Painful Changes
by SupahStarmon
Summary: Yukiho finds her sister's diary, and out of curiosity, begins to read it. Little does she know the turmoil Honoka has been going through, and it will only surface because of these entries.
1. The Start

**Notes/Way to read this story:**

... = Transition into Yukiho's POV or diary entry

 _'Text' =_ Diary Entry (Entire entry is in the ' ')

 _Text =_ Internal Thoughts

* * *

Yukiho sighed once she got home. Trudging to her room, she noticed that her sister's bedroom door was open. Peering into Honoka's room, the middle schooler saw a book lying on Honoka's study desk.

"Diary," the girl said. "Onee-chan just left it out?"

She wasn't one to be invasive. But, she couldn't deny her curiosity of wanting to see her sister's thoughts. _Just a peek…_

Opening it to a random page, she felt the crumpled sheets with her fingers. _I wouldn't think it's that old. This entry is pretty recent._

So, she didn't think anything of it. She began to read:

 _..._

 _ **'** Ahh! I don't like being scolded by Umi-chan! She always looks so disappointed with me, and I don't like seeing that look on her. Worrying so much will just make wrinkles show up faster. I know that she does it for my sake. Even if she can be too mean, Umi-chan wants me to be better. I always try, but I always seem to fail at being better. But, it excites me when I see Umi-chan being proud of me! Umi-chan is so pretty. Being an idol and being in archery really makes her look good. She's so smart too! She's always trying to teach me because I don't pay attention in class. She always has the best marks! If I could only be a bit more like Umi-chan, I could make her happy._

 _I think that's what I want to do. I want to make Umi-chan happy all the time. Just thinking about it, I know I like Umi-chan a lot! **'**_

 _..._

 _ **'** I'm happy that Kotori-chan is so friendly all the time! When Umi-chan gets mad at me, I'm happy that Kotori-chan will be there for me! Even thought I like Umi-chan a lot, I like Kotori-chan a lot too! She's smart as well, and always helps me with homework. Umi-chan scolds me, but Kotori-chan makes sure I understand what to do. She's so helpful. She's also so pretty! She's super trendy and her designs are always cute! When I see them, I know that it can only be made by Kotori-chan! She's always happy when the three of us are together. I am too, and I know Umi-chan does as well!_

 _I love them both so much! If I could be together with the both of them, I would be the happiest girl alive! I just know it! **'**_

...

Yukiho couldn't help but smile. _Onee-chan really loves Umi-chan and Kotori-chan. Can girls be in a romantic relationship?_ _I guess it doesn't matter; if they love each other, they can be together. Alisa-chan and I are like that too! Maybe the bigger problem is her being with both of them._

Yukiho turned the page to the next diary entry. It simply stated:

 _ **'** I love Umi-chan and Kotori-chan! I'm going to tell them tomorrow! Hope it goes well! **'**_

The energy seemed to radiate off the pages and lift Yukiho's spirits. _Onee-chan is always happy. I'm glad that Kotori-chan and Umi-chan can give her that._

Turning to the next page, it seemed much more crumpled that the rest of the pages. _Huh?_

 _..._

 _ **'** Things didn't go as planned. Oh well!_

 _Umi-chan and Kotori-chan asked me if they could come over to my house. Of course I said yes! It makes it easier to tell them my feelings! After some snacks, I was getting prepared to tell them how I was feeling. But, they had some news to tell me. They started dating! Umi-chan was super embarrassed when they told me, but she always is. Umi-chan always gets so shy about love. It just makes her cuter. Kotori-chan couldn't be happier when she told me. The only reason they wanted to talk to me about their relationship first was because they were nervous about how the others would react. Since I'm their best friend, I would be honest with their relationship._

 _I couldn't be happier for them! It was clear that they liked each other a lot. So, their feelings for each other grew, obviously! When I told them how happy I was for them, they had big smiles on their faces! They hugged me, saying that they were so happy. They're going to tell the others tomorrow. I can't wait to see their reactions! They'll all love the two of them together. I know I do._

 _I guess that I couldn't get them as my girlfriends. I'll just move on! I need to be happy for them! **'**_

...

Yukiho saw tears falling onto Honoka's study desk. "Huh?" She began to wipe her eyes, but she realized what the cause of her tears were.

 _Onee-chan…Why did you hide this from us? Why can't you just tell Umi-chan and Kotori-chan? Maybe they'll understand. You shouldn't have to be so sad. You shouldn't have to hide your emotions._

As the girl scanned through the pages, she noticed a similar pattern. A few pages were crumpled, but there was a sheet that was nearly destroyed.

She skipped a few pages to get to the next page about her sister's love.

 _..._

 _ **'** Eli-chan is so cool! Maybe she's a bit too hard on us during practice. I get tired so easily! But, she's only doing it for making us better. Her body is really nice. I wish that my body could develop like that. She always looks so good in Kotori's costumes, and I can't help but admire her. Not only is she pretty, she's smart too! I always fall for pretty and smart girls, huh? I always see that she and Nozomi-chan are at the top of the grade scores. And she's the school council president! She must be super smart to be the president! Since Kotori-chan and Umi-chan spend more time together, I ask Eli-chan to help me with my homework. She's, like, the best between Kotori-chan and Umi-chan! She knows when to be serious and when to be kind. I think I get through my homework faster when I'm with her! She has so much about her that is amazing! I think she is perfect!_

 _I've been thinking about it for a while now. Ever since I couldn't be with Umi-chan or Kotori-chan, I was scared to say something. But, I feel confident! I'm going to tell Eli-chan tomorrow. **'**_

...

Yukiho sniffled. _Onee-chan…_

Turning the page, her suspicions were confirmed true as she began to read the words in the diary.

 _..._

 _ **'** I guess I shouldn't have been that optimistic._

 _When we got together for idol practice today, Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan told us that they were dating. I don't know why I didn't see it before. They were always together since they were both a part of the student council. Since they are in the same grade, they would be with each other for a while. I got so excited to tell Eli-chan, that I didn't remember that she was so close with someone else._

 _I'm happy for them! They are very nice and deserve each other. It's just that I want someone to love. I thought I had it with Kotori-chan and Umi-chan, and then with Eli-chan. I won't give up yet! I'll just take a while to find someone. **'**_

 _..._

Yukiho saw her tears falling onto the pages and she quickly tried to dry them away.

 _Her tears…That's why these pages are so damaged,_ she thought. _I can't blame her. Onee-chan had her heart broken twice._

She took a look at the next few pages, hoping that her sister found some sort of happiness. When she saw Honoka, she always was happy and positive. These diary entries were making her very concerned.

 _..._

 _ **'** I don't get to go hang out with Kotori-chan and Umi-chan too much. I don't want to distract them from each other. They're dating, after all. With Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan staying behind to work for the student council, I'm left with the others. I'm happy to say that I'm having fun with all of them. I can work and talk about idol stuff with Nico-chan and Hanayo-chan. Rin-chan is super fun to be around. And I like to hear Maki-chan's piano playing. It's fine to be like this. **'**_

 _..._

 _ **'** I went to get some ramen with Rin-chan and Hanayo-chan! It was really fun, being able to hang out with the two of them. Rin-chan and I can talk about a lot of things! Hanayo-chan is kinda like Kotori-chan, with how she was able to listen and talk to us! **'**_

...

 _ **'** Nico-chan and I got to listen to Maki-chan's new song. It was really good! Even when Maki-chan told us it was a love song, I could tell with how happy it was! I don't know how she did it, but it sounds good for our next song! I can't wait to see Umi-chan's reaction when she needs to write a love song. I couldn't stop laughing when Nico-chan got upset that the song wasn't her center! It's just like what I expect from Nico-chan. It's so fun to be around them! **'**_

...

Yukiho wanted to smile. _It seems like she was having fun. And yet…_

As she looked to the next few pages, she saw the similar crumpled pages that were painful to look at. She didn't think Honoka fell for any of them. But she knew about her sister's feelings now. She wouldn't be surprised if Honoka fell for at least one person.

It was way worse when she flipped the pages to the first highly crumpled page.

...

 _ **'** Rin-chan came up to me and asked me how to ask Hanayo-chan out. What a surprise, another pair of friends are getting together. I don't know why she had to ask; it was clear that those two liked each other from the day I met them. So, I just said to tell her. They'll be all lovey-dovey tomorrow and good for them. **'**_

...

Yukiho did a double take after reading the entry. She never saw her sister be angry at anyone or anything. Just at herself. She wasn't surprised that Honoka felt that way, but it was such a turn for her sister that she couldn't help but be surprised. Those words held so much emotion.

Pain.

Anger.

Disdain.

When she flipped to the last of the highly damaged pages, she noticed the rips in the paper. It was ripped halfway from the spine, and Yukiho could only feel sympathy for her sister.

She began to read.

...

 _ **'** How could Maki-chan and Nico-chan be so dense? They pretend to not like each other, and yet it's clear that they want to love each other. They should have just said something already. I had to literally push them together during idol practice. Everyone's happy for them, now that they finally got together. **'**_

...

Everything that Yukiho felt about the previous entry was amplified. The entry was short, but it conveyed all of Honoka's emotions clearly.

It wasn't _just_ pain. The words made it sound like Honoka was being stabbed in the back by every single one of her friends.

Honoka didn't _seem_ angry. She sounded furious that all of her friends could either be together or needed to have a struggle just to be together.

Her sister didn't _only_ feel disdain. She was disgusted with her friends.

And Honoka had all of this power to hide it under her unending happiness and her overflowing energy.

No one knew that Honoka was feeling this way. Not until now.

Yukiho only wanted to keep going. She didn't like how her sister was hiding these feelings away. So, she wanted to understand what Honoka's feelings were even further.

The next pages of entries allowed her to do so. And it scared her.

...

 _ **'** Why did Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan ask me to hang out with them? I'm not needed there. Those two are close; they won't need me to be watching them. Do they think I'm lonely? Well, I just feel worse being with them since I always remember that I'm going to be a third wheel. It's not fun, and I just hope they'll stop asking me. **'**_

...

 _ **'** I want to be happy when Umi-chan and Kotori-chan invite me out. They're my best friends. But, I just can't. Of course I'm going to be there for them, but it's clear that those two are the BEST of friends. They're dating, that's only natural. **'**_

...

 _ **'** I hate being around all of them. All I can think about is how lonely I am. They're my friends and I still like them. I just feel like I want to get away from it all. I don't want to be around people that I fell in love with. I don't want to be reminded that I am just a friend. Why can't we just go back to when I was a hopeless fool, wanting to be with my two best friends. **'**_

"Yukiho?!"

...

Her name being called out made the girl jump in her spot. Looking back, she saw her sister in the doorway, her face conveying all sorts of emotions.

"O-Onee-chan?"

Honoka quickly ran over and shut her diary closed. "What are you doing?! This is private stuff!"

Yukiho didn't want to respond the question. She wanted to help her sister. "Onee-chan, you can talk to me."

"No." The edge in Honoka's voice made Yukiho shrink. "There is nothing to talk about. Just leave."

"I know you're feeling lonely. You should tell them," Yukiho desperately tried to bargain. She felt her sister squeezing her shoulders, in a painful and unbearable way.

"Don't say anything about this." Honoka was forcefully pushing her sister out of the bedroom. "You don't have to deal with this." The anger in Honoka's voice was evident and it only made Yukiho shrivel up.

"I do!" Yukiho tried to get released from Honoka's grip, but it was only becoming tighter. "Onee-chan! Please!"

They quickly made it to Yukiho's room. The older girl pushed Yukiho in quickly, making Yukiho lose balance and fall over.

Neither could care about it.

Yukiho saw something that she should not have seen.

Honoka needed help, but she was pushing it all away.

"Onee-chan!" Yukiho tried to reach for her sister, but was only met with a loud slam of her door and another slam of her sister's. She opened her door and attempted to open Honoka's, but there was a lot of resistance. So much so that trying to open it was futile. "Onee-chan! H-Honoka!" Yukiho screamed in frustration. "Let me talk to you!"

She gave up and sat on the floor right outside of her sister's room. She soon heard her sister drop to the floor and cry. Her sobs and wails were deafening, and Yukiho could only stop and listen.

It was clear that Honoka would only try to push herself away from these problems. All her sister wanted was for everyone to be happy, even with the expense of her own. The guardian angel for everyone shouldn't have to bury these thoughts to herself. And yet, everyone knew that it was something Honoka always did.

As Yukiho began to hear the softening cries, she slowly opened the door. Her sister was reduced down to a crying mess, nearly knocking herself out due to tiredness. With the small amount of consciousness left in Honoka, the two made their way over to her bed. Yukiho laid Honoka on the soft mattress, as Honoka continued to cry herself to sleep.

Once the sobs stopped and Yukiho could only hear the steady breathing of her sister's slumber, she knelt down to meet her sister's face. "You can talk to me, onee-chan," Yukiho whispered. She kissed Honoka's forehead before leaving.

…

Honoka woke up to the smells of dinner. She heard her stomach growl and could only salivate at the smell.

Getting back to consciousness, she noticed that she was still in her uniform. Sitting up, she began to take off her uniform and get into something more appropriate for home. As she started, she saw the note on her small coffee table from her sister.

 _ **I'm always here to help. You can talk to me, onee-chan.  
\- Yukiho**_

The note reminded her of the fight the two had earlier in the day. She was very upset that Yukiho went into her diary and read the most private parts. However, Honoka saw that all Yukiho wanted to do was help.

It was tough; not being able to be a girlfriend to people you like, trying and failing to not fall for a person, having your entire group of friends be in a romantic relationship, them trying to make you feel included but making it clear that you are the third wheel in every relationship.

It wasn't something that she should burden her sister with. It was her problem, and she didn't want her sister to feel sad for her.

She balled up the note and threw it in the trash bin.

 _Thanks for trying to help, Yukiho. But, you don't have to feel sad. I hate seeing that._

* * *

 **A/N: I think this is pure angst. I just hope that everyone knows what I was getting at.**

 **When I thought about this idea, my first thought was to have Honoka fall in love with a specific person before having her heart broken because they fell for someone else. Umi, Eli, Maki, and Hanayo seemed like the best ones since they had the most personal connections with Honoka, IMO.**

 **As I wrote Umi and Kotori's part, the idea of having her fall in love with everyone seemed a bit implausible. What I saw as more realistic was falling for her two childhood friends, and then the one who she could feel the most connection to. Once those three people were off the table, Honoka would be hesitant to want to love someone else. Just being friends would be enough, and she wouldn't have to deal with a relationship. Once everyone was in a relationship, she would just get tired of being alone and having to be around them with the constant reminders.**

 **TL:DR – Fall for her friends, fall for Eli, be content with friendship, be sick and tired of anything to do with relationships.**

 **I feel that this story could be expanded upon. I have a few ideas in my head, but I don't want to write it out just yet. I would probably lose interest, especially with school starting soon (which is complete crap. Sigh).**

 **However, if you like it and want a continuation, I would be happy to do so. I can't guarantee that it'll be out soon, but I would want some sort of continuation if people ask for it.**

 **So, leave reviews asking for a continuation (if you want). If you do want it to be continued, leave ideas as to where this story could go. I'll be glad to incorporate them. Also leave critiques and such; always looking to be a better writer and critiques are the way to do so.**

 **If you liked this story, favourite (and I guess follow just in case).**

 **Thanks for Reading!**


	2. Taking A Step

**Note:**

 **1\. I have no idea how scouting or hiring entertainers work. I just made it fit with my story, so please don't think that this is how everything goes in the entertainment business.**

 **2\. Honoka may be OOC, but I think that what is provided shows why she is so distant and resistant to help. It's what I imagine her to be from the anime, so please don't take it personally if she is your best girl.**

 **And with that, onto the first part!**

* * *

The leader of Muse was on the rooftop of the school, gazing to the settling sun as the third years' graduation ended.

"Hey, Honoka-chan!" Rin said from the door. The orange-haired girl looked back to see the short-haired girl, along with her two best friends. "Are you coming, nya?"

"It's the last time we'll be able to be with them together as high schoolers," Kotori added. "It's going to be fun!"

Honoka could only smile at her friends' enthusiasm. It was going to be a fun time, after all. "I'll be there, don't worry about it. I just have some things to do for the student council. I'll get there in a bit; you guys can start early."

Umi raised an eyebrow when she heard what Honoka was going to do. "You're going to do school work? Do you need us to help?"

The new student council president ran up to Umi and cutely pouted at her. "I'm going to do a lot of work now! With Muse finished, I'll have all the time in the world to work!"

"Just like you did during our first year?" Umi teased, getting another pout from Honoka and laughs from the other two girls. "I'll trust you with this. We'll get going now. Don't be too late."

Honoka smiled and waved as the three others left. "I won't!" She said.

She stayed on the rooftop until she was sure the eight girls left. Looking to the entrance, she saw the familiar figures headed to the direction of the karaoke place. She sighed.

"Maybe I brought it upon myself this time, but I'm alone again," she said quietly to herself.

All throughout the graduation presentation, she only had the thoughts of what the future held for everyone. And despite wanting to put her feelings aside about her friends' relationships, she couldn't stop the feelings bubbling inside her.

 _Everyone gets to go their way, and I'll still be here figuring out what to do with my life. Everyone will still be together once our last year starts, and I'll still be alone. Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan will be together at university. Nico-chan is going to visit often because of Maki-chan. Rin-chan and Hanayo-chan will be childhood sweethearts. And so will Kotori-chan and Umi-chan. Where does that leave me? I'll still be there with everyone, being the third wheel that I always know I am._

After a few minutes of being on the rooftop, Honoka started to walk back to her class. Grabbing her belongings, she began to head for the karaoke place. And during her walk, she began to reminisce about the good that came from being with her friends.

 _We got to do a lot of fun things. I really liked being in the sub-units. I got to hang out with Kotori-chan and Hanayo-chan, and it was super fun!_ She went to the side of the sidewalk and cycled through the songs she made with her friends. _This one was always my favourite._

As she walked, she unconsciously sang aloud in a hushed voice:

 _~I wish I could become crystal clear  
~As I stand in front of you as your friend  
~This throbbing in my chest that can't be kept hidden  
~I don't want anyone to notice it  
~Return the person I was, with her heart on her sleeve  
~Even though we're friends…  
~I'm in love with you…  
I can't hide it anymore…  
I can't forget about it…_

Her voice began to betray her as it shook with every word she sang. One of her favourite songs is one that she can't listen to. It reminded her of being in Muse around all of these relationships.

As she was approaching the karaoke place, she saw her face in the reflection of her phone. Puffy nose, beet red cheeks, bloodshot eyes, tear stained face. Honoka didn't know that she looked like this while walking the short distance. She felt embarrassed that people could have seen her in this pathetic state.

"Excuse me!" The new voice called out to Honoka. The leader looked up to see a businesswoman walking up to her. "Are you alright, Honoka?"

The orange-haired girl wiped her eyes, trying anything to not embarrass herself in front of this new person. "Y-Yes…" She shakily said. Before the businesswoman spoke up, Honoka interrupted her. "Wait, you know me?"

The woman sharply nodded. "You were very popular alongside Muse. Everyone here knows who you are."

The girl could only blankly stare. The silence forced the businesswoman to pull out a card and give to Honoka.

"What's this?"

"My card," the woman replied. "It has the general information about myself."

Honoka stared at the card, reading the contents of the small paper. Before she could understand the details, the woman began to speak again.

"I'm a scouting agent from the United States. From what I've seen from your performances, you would be what we are looking for."

"Huh? Me?" Honoka said confusedly.

"I would explain, but I know that your friends are waiting. Please, give me a call later and we can talk." The woman bowed before walking away from the karaoke place, not giving a chance for Honoka to respond back.

The orange-haired girl stood in place right outside, staring at the card. _She's from America…so, she would want me to go there? For what?_

"Honoka," the familiar voice said. Eli's voice shook Honoka from her thoughts and made her eyes meet with the Russian's. "There you are. Did you get the student council work finished?"

Honoka nodded. "Sorry for being a bit late."

"It's fine." Eli noticed the card in her friend's hand. So, she walked over and took a peek. "Where'd you get the business card?"

"Um, there was a lady who said she was a scouting agent," the girl said.

"Ah, her. She offered her performing thing to us when we got here, but we declined. We like it here in Japan," Eli explained. "Now, come on! We're all waiting for you to get the party started!"

The orange-haired girl smiled. "Right! Let's go!"

As the two walked to the room, the new information was swirling in Honoka's mind. _So, would I be performing in America? Across the world? No…Eli-chan's right! Japan is great!_

As the night went on, Honoka's thoughts swayed from the scouting agent to being with Muse. Yes, she had a ton of fun with her friends. Singing Muse songs and other songs gave her a quick nostalgia trip about the year she had with her friends. When it got to the songs where there were three or two people, that was when her doubts kicked in.

The sub-unit songs were fun to sing, although Honoka pleaded with Kotori and Hanayo to not sing 'Love Marginal' and 'Unbalanced Love.' Those two songs reminded her of the heartache she had been through during this year.

And yet, there was no avoiding the fact that she didn't have a lot to do for a duet. Singing with Rin was fun, but she didn't feel any spark or excitement. With the other duets, she saw the chemistry people had with one another. And especially with the true duet songs.

Hanayo and Rin didn't have any duets together, but those two were essentially glued together. They didn't need a duet to show how close the two were.

Eli and Nozomi singing 'Garasu no Hanazono' was a treat. Despite the friendships of the now third-years and Hanayo and Rin being so long, the three-year relationship of those two showed the chemistry they had. For Honoka, it was a bit melodramatic. They weren't lonely, after all. They had each other.

 _You're the one who's lonely._

Nico and Maki's song of being opposed to each other was fun to watch. The two had their serious faces on when trying to act annoyed at each other, and yet it always defaulted to a smile. Those two never needed to act like that. Instead of annoying each other, it annoyed the others.

 _It's you who's annoyed._

Kotori and Umi's 'Anemone Heart' was a gut-wrenching song. The lyrics of being apart despite being their first love was painful to listen to. Once they finally reached the end of the song and everyone knowing that their 'loving heartbeats' did meet, it fulfilled the happiness of everyone. Even if there was a person that linked the two together.

 _You couldn't do anything._

 _Why am I thinking like this? I should be happy for them. I WANT to be happy for them. And yet…_

When singing solo songs, Honoka was complimented on her singing. Well, everyone was. However, looking at all of the idol world with Hanayo and Nico saw Honoka at the top for her singing and personality.

Those compliments…

…

Honoka was resting on her bed, nearly falling asleep with how tired she was. The karaoke party was fun, even with the inner turmoil she was facing.

It reminded her of the short meeting with the scouting agent. _What was her name again?_

She glanced to her table which had the business card atop of it. Reaching over with the lowest amount of effort, she took the card and looked at the details.

 **Claire Fields  
Talent Scout**

She read over the card and kept her focus on the phone number. It was very tempting to call, but she knew that she wanted to have some sort of support.

She slowly walked downstairs to see her parents starting to go upstairs.

"Um…mom, dad?" She weakly called out. It brought concern for the two as they rushed over to their daughter.

"What's wrong, dear? Tummy hurting? Head ache?" The mother asked.

"N-No…nothing like that. Can we have a family meeting?"

The parents looked at each other confusedly. But, they didn't seem to mind the request. After calling Yukiho down, the family took a seat at the dinner table.

"Aright, what is it, dear?" Mrs. Kousaka asked her eldest daughter.

Bringing out the card, Honoka pushed it to the center of the table so everyone could see. "When I went out with my friends, there was this lady. She said she was a scouting agent and she wanted to talk to me."

The parents picked up the card and had a look. It all looked legitimate, and they know that their daughter did have some sort of international exposure.

"I guess it's okay," Mrs. Kousaka said. "For right now, focus on school. Over the weekend, we'll have this woman come over and talk to us. It would be nice to have, but having a good education is essential."

The eldest daughter nodded. "I understand. Thank you, mom. Dad."

The parents smiled at their daughters before ushering them to bed. As the two girls walked upstairs, Yukiho fidgeted with her sleepwear which caught Honoka's attention.

"Is something the matter, Yukiho?"

The younger girl looked into her sister's eyes. "Did you bring this up because of your feelings? About your friends?"

Honoka didn't bear to look at her sister. She closed her eyes and turned away. "I told you not to worry about that. It's for me."

"Onee-chan!" Yukiho quietly exclaimed, not wanting to worry their parents. She grabbed Honoka's wrist, but it was quickly out of grasp. Her sister quickly walked to her room and shut the door before any engagement could be made.

Yukiho's head dropped. It was a normal occurrence; she would try to ask Honoka about her feelings about her friends. Honoka swiftly shut down the conversation, and then would hole herself up in her room.

Yukiho wanted her sister to open up, but she knew Honoka wouldn't want to do that. Any problem her sister had would be solvable; she would just find a way to do so. Dealing with this emotional turmoil in this way was not good for her sister, but Yukiho knew that Honoka would only see it in that way.

She felt powerless. She would be fine with being the sidekick as long as her sister could be happy. And yet, all Honoka wanted to do was be alone.

* * *

"Thank you for letting me visit," the agent said. Mrs. Kousaka set up the meeting with Claire while the mister was running the shop. Honoka and Yukiho were also there to talk to the agent.

After some brief small talk, Mrs. Kousaka led Claire to the living room to discuss this plan for Honoka. With tea and manju served, they proceeded with the negotiation.

"So, Ms. Fields," Mrs. Kousaka politely said.

"Please, you can all call me Claire," the agent said. "I want all of my clients, be it now or for the future, to be comfortable with me around."

The three Kousaka women nodded.

"Claire-san," Mrs. Kousaka continued. "For being from America, your Japanese is very good."

"Thank you. Before coming here to scout, I wanted to get familiar with the language. Make it easier for me and the clientele to talk to each other. It's not perfect, but it's manageable."

It was time to get into the meat of the meeting.

"About your offer, what can you tell us about?"

Claire lifted her briefcase and placed it on the table. Opening it, she brought out any documents with a ton of writing on it.

"When our company discovered Muse, we saw that all of the girls had potential. Meeting with them, they all brushed me aside." Claire turned her head to the former leader of Muse. "With Honoka, she was the only one that stopped and listened. We had our eye on her, as she was one of the girls we saw with the most potential."

"T-Thank you," Honoka awkwardly replied.

"When were you planning to start her career?" Mrs. Kousaka asked. "She is still very young. She might have one year left of high school, but I'm still feeling hesitant to let her go."

"My higher-ups would like her as soon as we could get her, but we understand the situation."

Mrs. Kousaka nodded. "What would she have to do? From the looks of it, it seems like she would be going overseas."

"That is correct," Claire confirmed. "Muse's popularity in America is very large, and having the leader of it would bring in many fans. We would help her with learning English so she can be on interviews and the like. She would also be performing as a singer, and may even have some acting jobs. If that comes, we will make sure she is properly trained to be an actress."

"It seems like a lot," Yukiho said.

"It is, but we have the best trainers, choreographers, and writers. If Honoka is to do this, she would get the best treatment."

"I don't know…" Mrs. Kousaka looked through the pages and the countless and seemingly expensive things to do. "I'm afraid we don't have enough money for all of that."

"We do not want to worry you about the money," Claire said. "None of this would come out of your pocket. Especially for someone so young like Honoka, we wouldn't want to burden the family. This will be coming from our pocket, and we can see the potential she has to be a star."

Yukiho and her mother breathed a sigh of relief, not worrying about money.

"It sounds good for her…" Mrs. Kousaka tentatively said aloud. She turned her attention to her daughter, who was being unusually quiet for something as big as (essentially) being an idol. "How does it sound, honey?"

It was all Honoka could ever hope for. Being a school idol was the most fun she had ever; this would make her be a full-fledged idol. She would be able to sing and dance, things that she always loved to do.

Of course, it was something that she wanted to do with her friends. The nine of them, singing and dancing like nothing happened except them becoming school idols.

And yet, it felt like the biggest boon of doing this was to be away from them. To not be reminded that she may be alone for the rest of her life.

She hated how happy it made her; not being around her friends so she could this. Just to avoid them and their relationship.

"I want to do it…if you allow me to," Honoka said firmly.

"If it what will make you happy. We know you don't have a big plan after high school-"

"How soon can I do it?" Honoka quickly asked, interrupting her mother. Everyone looked at the orange-haired girl in shock and disbelief.

"Don't you want to finish school, Honoka?" Mrs. Kousaka asked her daughter.

"Claire-san, is there anything you can do? I want to finish school, but I want to take this chance," Honoka said.

"I- Uh-" Clair quickly checked through the documents with her. Finding the right sheet, she handed it to the Kousakas. "I'll have to have some more talks with my superiors, but this is what we can provide in terms of education. You will need to learn English, which is something that you are learning here. Along with that, there will be the common things you learn which would be the same or similar to what you are doing now. If you are struggling, I will help, or we will hire tutors."

"So, I can do it now?" Honoka asked. Yukiho grabbed her sister's arm, not liking how eager her sister sounded about leaving.

"Honoka, don't you want to stay here? With your family and friends? Once you graduate, we'll let you do whatever you want," Mrs. Kousaka said. She had tears in her eyes, knowing that she would eventually succumb to her daughter's wishes. Honoka is an adult, so she can make her own decisions.

"I do, but…this is an opportunity that I want to take," Honoka replied.

The mother sighed. "I understand that…"

"Why not let onee-chan stay here for the first semester?" Yukiho suggested. Everyone looked to the youngest person in the room. "From what I understand from the papers, American schools have a somewhat similar school system to Japan. Onee-chan can stay from April to summer vacation here. If she wants to stay here, she can. If she wants to go to America, she can go to the fall and winter terms there. If she's learning similar material, she should be okay. Along with the help from Claire-san and the tutors, she should find it easier."

Claire looked at the youngest girl in disbelief. "She might be right. It will be Honoka's choice to go to America either during or after this year of school. Either way, we will wait and see if Honoka still wants to do this."

Mrs. Kousaka turned to her daughter. "Does that sound alright?"

Honoka took a deep breath before nodding.

"I don't want you to fail, Honoka. You need to study hard if you decide to do this," her mother said. Claire was on her side, nodding to the request.

"I will. I'll decide what I want to do after the first semester."

"And if you don't decide to go with us, we'll understand," Claire said. "This is a big step that you could take. You may crash and burn, or you may bloom and prosper. However, this will all be your decision, Honoka."

"I understand." Honoka stood up, which prompted everyone else to do so. "Thank you for this opportunity, Claire-san," she said as she held out a hand.

"You're welcome," Claire said as she shook it. "After everything, please give me a call so we can start your prep for America, or to decline our offer."

Claire gathered her things, bowed to the family, and left the household. After telling their father about Honoka's plan (and a few tears shed from both parents), Honoka went upstairs to relax. This **was** a big step, if Honoka decided to take it. And yet…

She knew that she wanted to. Just to get away from it all.

 _ **KNOCK!**_

Honoka propped herself up on the bed. "Come in!"

She expected to see her mother or father about the change this would have. Instead, her sister was standing there. "Yukiho?"

"Not studying yet? You should smarten yourself up; we know how you are," the younger sister said teasingly.

"Shut up," Honoka said with a smirk. Her sister was right, but it was said in such a joking manner that she couldn't help but smile.

It felt weird that they were talking like this. After Yukiho read her diary, their talks always devolved to her shutting her sister out. It was something that they both missed.

"Why…Why did you suggest that idea?" Honoka said. "I know…I know that I haven't been asking for your help with my life ever since you read my diary. You care about me, so I didn't expect you to say something that would basically lead to avoiding my problems."

Yukiho sighed. "You aren't wrong. You bottle up all of these negative emotions and don't saying anything about it…it hurts to see you like that. I want you to be happy. You're my sister. I know that you enjoyed being in Muse, and this is like a continuation of being an idol. So, maybe it will help. I don't think it will, but at least you would be living your dream. But…I want you to be around. I can't imagine being here without you."

The younger girl felt a pair of arms wrap around her, the tears falling onto her shoulder from her crying sister. "Thank you…for looking out for me…" Honoka said through her sobs.

"I always will, just like you would for me, onee-chan." Yukiho turned to face her sister, the serious and comforting eyes staring into Honoka's bloodshot ones.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

* * *

 **A/N: Yes, a cliffhanger. To be honest, I didn't expect this part of the story to be so long. I guess it was just the exposition, just to get a feel of how the story could go. This will be part one of a three-part story where Honoka goes on the idol route to forget about everything.**

 **I want to credit** Mr. Orange freshly squeezed **for this idea. I got some ideas from the reviews of where I could go with this, and this idea really spoke to me. As stated in the note at the start, I have no idea how the entertainment world works, and I only made it so it could align with how I want things to pan out.**

 **In a first for me, I am not writing this in advanced. With nearly all of my stories, I wrote every single chapter and spaced it out so people could have some anticipation to when it is released. With those stories, I always had a set length of when to release another chapter (about 3 days to a week). With this story, this first part will be finished and I will be working hard (along with school and life) to get the second and third part done. So, this means that you won't know when the next release of the next part will be, and neither will I.**

 **If you look forward to that, favourite/follow the story! And please leave a review with your like/dislike of this part. To , I hope that this start is something that you enjoy. And for everyone else, I hope you enjoy this first part!**

 **Thanks for Reading!**


	3. Changing

During their classes, Umi and Kotori noticed something that is very unlike their best friend: she was taking notes and not sleeping.

So, the two were going to talk to her during lunch.

"Honoka-"

They **were** about to call her when the girl got out of her seat and went to the teacher. She had her book in hand, so they decided to not hold her back. Why stop their friend from getting help for work?

It's just that…

"This isn't like Honoka," Umi stated to her girlfriend. "She's never this diligent. She barely passed her classes last year."

"Maybe she just wants to be better," Kotori said. "That's good for Honoka-chan, especially since she's the student council president."

Umi couldn't help but nod at that good reasoning.

"Umi-chan? Kotori-chan?" Honoka said as she was going back to her desk. "What's up?"

"We wanted to talk to you while eating lunch. Is that okay?" Kotori asked, to which she got a nod.

"Of course it is!" Honoka cheerfully said. The three sat down as Honoka brought out her lunch. Taking a bite of an omelette, she looked at her two friends. "What did you want to talk about?"

"It's about your…classroom habits," Umi said, trying to avoid offending her friend in any way possible.

Honoka sighed. "I thought I was doing much better than last year. What am I doing wrong, Umi-chan?" The orange-haired girl said with a pout.

"That's the thing, Honoka." Umi scratched her head, trying to figure out what to say.

Kotori tapped her orange-haired friend, which got both girls' attentions. "Umi-chan is surprised that you're doing a lot of work, Honoka-chan."

The girl smirked at her blue-haired friend. "I told you, Umi-chan! I'm going to work super hard!"

"That's good. Is there any reason for doing so, Honoka?" Umi asked.

 _Don't make them sad._

"The student council president should be smarter than a lot of people. So, I have to be as smart as Umi-chan because Eli-chan made me the president," Honoka said with a chuckle.

Umi blushed from the inadvertent praise. "Well, good for you Honoka." The bluenette sighed. "Now that my mind is clear from that, is there anything you guys want to do after school?"

"Well, we're going to do student council work," Honoka said. "And then, I was going to go home and work some more."

Umi looked at her friend skeptically, but agreed nonetheless. "Yeah, we'll do that."

…

"Ahh!" Honoka sighed after the last piece of paperwork was done. "I'm sleepy…"

"Well, you did better than normal," Umi commented. She didn't mind Honoka being so diligent, but she could never get used to it. She always knew Honoka as a slacker. Seeing her like this was…

A change of pace.

"Do you want to go and get something to eat?" Kotori asked to her two friends. "There's the new sweet shop that opened up. I heard that their cheesecake is the best!" She said, mouth watering just thinking about the cheesecake.

"That sounds fun, but I have to go home," Honoka replied.

"Really?" Kotori said dejectedly.

The orange-haired girl put a hand to her friend's shoulder. "I have some more work I need to do. I really want to do well. I promise, we'll go out together on the weekend." It seemed to satisfy Kotori's wish, as she gave a smile to her friend.

"Didn't you just say you were tired?" Umi said.

"I am, but work is more important. I don't have much else to do, anyways," Honoka assured.

Umi sighed. "Alright. Just don't overwork yourself."

" _Hai!_ " Honoka said brightly.

* * *

' _Umi-chan! Are we going soon?'_ Kotori asked from the cellphone.

Umi was getting her sandals on. Since they were going out and it was during spring, the cool weather allowed her to wear light clothing (like jeans and a short-sleeved shirt).

"You can start heading to the sweets shop. I'm going to go get Honoka, because she probably slept in again."

Umi heard giggling from the phone. _'Well, don't be too mean to her. It's the weekend, she should get some sleep.'_

"Alright, I won't," the bluenette replied.

There was a different reason why Umi wanted to visit her first best friend.

Umi knew that Honoka put her all into something that she wanted to do. And she knew that Honoka would do it for her studies now. This would cause her to do some…irrational things. She noticed that Honoka, despite having her ever cheery mood, was looking much more tired than normal.

 _I told her to not overwork herself…And yet, I'm still worried…_

She found herself outside of the Homura bakery, her hand knocking on the door.

"Hello? Umi-san?" Yukiho came out of the entrance. "You can just come inside, it's a shop."

The obviousness made Umi realize that she's worrying a lot about her friend. "Right…I just came to pick up Honoka. We were going to go out with Kotori-chan."

Yukiho nervously chuckled. "About that…onee-chan is a bit sick. I don't think she can go out today. She should be good when Monday comes, though."

The bluenette sighed. "Can I see her?" To which Yukiho nodded. After taking of her sandals, she followed the younger Kousaka to her sister's room. "How did she get sick?"

"I think it was exhaustion," Yukiho said. "I was going to get her for dinner yesterday, but she was passed out on her table. She did a lot of work, but her temperature was rising. And now, she's bed-ridden for the weekend."

Umi groaned internally. _I know Kotori said to not pester her, but I warned her about this!_

Opening the door to Honoka's room, the girl was sitting on her bed reading a manga.

"Yukiho- Oh…Umi-chan," Honoka nervously said. The orange-haired girl saw the irritation in Umi's eyes. "Hi…"

Umi sighed. "Honoka, I told you to not overwork yourself."

"I know," Honoka said. "I just really needed to work. I want to do better."

The bluenette wanted to sigh again, but her frown turned into a smile. "I can't really say no to you wanting to be better, can I?" Honoka smiled a bit smugly at Umi. "I'll tell Kotori-chan. Is it okay if I stay here?"

"Of course! Just don't get my sickness, Umi-chan," Honoka replied, to which Umi softly smiled.

After calling Kotori, who panicked after hearing that Honoka was sick and was rushing to the household with a cheesecake (to the opposition from her two friends), Umi took a seat on the floor and looked at her friend's work.

 _Math, English, science? She did all of this work, and it all looks right! Some of this even looks like homework for the next week!_ Umi sighed. "You definitely overworked yourself, Honoka. At least it's all correct."

Honoka smiled when she heard the praise. "Thank you, Umi-chan! I think I've been doing a lot better. I have you two to thank."

"Well, you're welcome," Umi said with a slight chuckle. She was going to ask if Honoka needed any more help (which it looked like she didn't), but her eyes wandered to a paper that wasn't her homework. "Contract?" The bluenette said aloud.

With her head turned away from Honoka, Umi didn't see her best friend's eyes widen in panic. Before Umi could get her hands on it, Honoka jumped out of bed and snatched it away. She stepped away so that she was across from Umi.

"Honoka? What was that?" Umi asked.

"N-Nothing. It's not important," the girl replied.

"If you're acting like this, it must be important," Umi replied back. "What does it mean by 'contract?'"

"Nothing to you!" Honoka snapped.

Umi gasped at her friend's retort, and how angry the girl sounded. But, she didn't want to back down. She rivaled Honoka's glare and the two stared at each other.

"Honoka…chan?" Kotori opened the door to see the staredown. "Umi-chan? What's happening?"

The two saw their friend in the door, but they knew they were too late. They tried to play it cool; Umi sat down at the spot she was sitting at before and Honoka put the papers behind her back.

"Nothing," Honoka said. "Umi-chan is just angry that I got sick."

"Umi-chan, you shouldn't be angry at a sick person!" Kotori whined. "Especially Honoka-chan!"

"Yeah….sorry," Umi replied, still sounding angry. Kotori and Honoka detected that, but they didn't want to sour the mood further.

While Kotori was facing her girlfriend, Honoka placed the contract papers on her study desk and piled some textbooks on it. "Ooo! Kotori-chan, Is that the cheesecake?" The orange-haired girl asked, pointing at the plastic bag.

Kotori giggled. "It is! Let's try it!"

…

Kotori was getting ready for bed when she heard her phone buzz. Reaching over, she saw the message her friend sent:

Honoka:  
 _Can we talk?  
I'll call if you say yes._

The simple request unnerved the ash-brunette. It sounded like Honoka was very serious, and she couldn't help but not reply with the easy answer.

Kotori:  
 _Sure  
It is the weekend_

Kotori sent the last message to lighten the mood, but she knew that it wouldn't help. Her phone began to vibrate, and she saw that the caller was indeed Honoka.

"Hi, Honoka-chan!" She said in an upbeat mood.

"Kotori-chan," the usually cheery girl replied much more somberly.

"W-What's wrong?"

Kotori heard a sigh come from the other side of the phone.

"When you came over, you saw me and Umi-chan staring at each other. Right?"

Kotori gulped. "I…I don't-"

"Please don't lie!" Honoka said, her voice slightly raised. "I need to know."

"I…I did see that…" Kotori said, abiding to her friend's wishes.

There was a moment of tense silence. Kotori didn't like her friend like this, and yet she was only more intrigued.

"I need to tell you something, and I want you to keep it a secret from everyone else," Honoka said.

"I-I don't think I can do that, Honoka-chan. They're our friends-"

"We've been friends for so long, Kotori-chan. And I know we've told our secrets to Umi-chan, but this is one I **need** you to keep. Please," Honoka begged. Kotori swore she heard a sob being choked back, and it wasn't just from herself.

"Alright," Kotori finally said, succumbing to Honoka's wishes.

After taking a breath, Honoka began to speak:

"Umi-chan was angry because I was hiding something from her. From everyone, really. It was a contract."

"A-A contract?" Kotori said questioningly. "For what?"

"A performing contract. The scouting agent that was outside the karaoke place asked me. And…I'm going to take it."

"Huh?"

"After this semester, I'm going to go to America and finish my last year of high school there," Honoka explained.

"You…You are?" Kotori asked.

"Yes. That's why I've been working so hard during school. I'll have more help when I leave, but I want to know that I can do it myself," Honoka replied.

"…Why?" Kotori quietly said.

"It was a chance I couldn't pass up," Honoka answered back.

"You couldn't tell Umi-chan?"

Honoka sighed. "I trust Umi-chan a lot. But, I wasn't expecting to tell anyone except for my family. She was already mad at me for not saying anything. And, you're my closest friend, Kotori-chan."

Kotori sniffled. "You get to leave us, and when I had a chance to go overseas I stayed! How can you explain that?!" The ash-brunette said, with a bit of anger in her voice.

"I can't," Honoka plainly said. "Umi-chan told me to be selfish sometimes, and that was an example of it. I'm sorry that I stopped you from doing it."

"That doesn't explain anything about what you're doing, Honoka-chan!" Kotori cried out. "Let me be selfish! Stay here! I want to graduate with my best friends!"

"And I do too. But I can't do it," Honoka drearily said. "There's…a bigger reason why I want to do this."

"What is it?!" Kotori desperately asked. "I can help!"

Honoka dryly chuckled. "I don't think you can. Look where we got when you stayed. We were able to participate in Love Live. We **won** Love Live. We couldn't do it without you, Kotori-chan."

"O-Okay…" Kotori said, still trying to find out what Honoka's point was.

"We're past that now. What happens if I leave now? If you left before, we couldn't have been Muse still. You wouldn't have been dating Umi-chan."

Kotori's eyes slightly widened. It felt like Honoka specifically emphasised that point; Kotori couldn't have been able to tell Umi her feelings and get together. "Y-You're not…wrong…"

"See? If I leave now, all that would happen is that everyone would feel sad that I'm not there to make us complete. But, I would rather that happen if it can make the bonds between everyone stronger. Everyone is together with another person in our group, and I think me leaving will have all of your bonds strengthen."

 _She's doing this for our sake?_ Kotori thought. "But, what about you, Honoka-chan?"

"I get to be an artist overseas. Even if I fail, I want to have the time of my life. And doing this will be worth it," Honoka said.

It was a lot of information. Some points were still a bit blurry, but Kotori had an idea of what Honoka meant.

At least, she thought.

"I…think I understand," Kotori said.

 _You have no idea_ , Honoka thought. "Thank you, Kotori-chan."

"Won't everyone get mad at you? You're only telling me, and everyone will feel sad and betrayed that you left without saying anything," Kotori reasoned.

"And everyone might be mad at you because you hid this from them," Honoka argued back. "Please, don't worry about that. As long as you keep it secret they won't get mad. If I meet you guys again when I leave, I'll explain everything. I would want them to hate me, not you, Kotori-chan."

"O-Okay," Kotori meekly responded.

"I'm sorry I'm putting this much onto you," Honoka apologized.

"It's okay."

"Can I tell you something, Kotori-chan? Maybe you'll see why I'm deciding to do this."

"S-Sure," Kotori stuttered out.

"I'm jealous of all of you."

 _ **BEEP!**_

"Honoka-chan?" Kotori tried to get her friend back, but to no avail. _Why is she jealous of all of us?_

* * *

The days after that weekend was much more tense than normal. Both Honoka and Umi were acting normal if anyone else saw them. But Kotori could see how angry Umi was at Honoka and she could see how nervous Honoka was being around everyone. The ash-brunette focused more on her girlfriend, but her attention was also on her first best friend. After Honoka trusted Kotori with the information of the former leader's plans after their first semester, there was no way that Kotori could leave her friend alone.

And Umi noticed.

"Hey, Kotori-chan," Umi nudged her girlfriend during lunch. "What do you do when you're with Honoka-chan?"

Kotori heard the slight edge when Umi mentioned their friend's name but ignored it. "Whenever she needs help with homework, she asks for my help. I'm making sure that she's doing the work right and that she doesn't overwork herself again. I really want to go out as the three of us."

Umi sighed. "Count me out. I don't think I want to talk to Honoka if she's acting like that."

"Like how you two were on the weekend?" Kotori innocently said.

Umi sighed again as she scratched the back of her head. "You…You saw that."

"I told you not to get mad at Honoka-chan," Kotori teasingly said. However, her mind was a wreck since she knew the reason why Honoka and Umi were glaring at each other.

"I know," Umi said as she brought her hands to her face. "But she was being so secretive about something that said 'contract.' I want to know what it means, but she yelled at me and told me that it's not important. It's just…there's no way she would be acting like that if it wasn't important."

Kotori could only put up a small smile. "Maybe you could trust her this time. She's been doing better in school. There's no reason to not believe her."

"Maybe you're right," Umi admitted.

The ash-brunette leaned in and rested her head against Umi's shoulder. "Can you kiss and make up with Honoka-chan now?"

The bluenette flushed red and could only stutter from hearing Kotori's suggestion. "I-I-I'll make up with Honoka. B-But k-k-k-kissing her…" She leaned in and put her lips close to Kotori's ear. "I'll only kiss you," she whispered., getting a blush to grow on the ash-brunette's cheeks.

…

As Honoka was putting her stuff away for the day, she saw Umi and Kotori walking up to her. "Hi, Kotori-chan. Umi-chan," she said, the latter's name in a very small voice.

"Honoka," Umi said in a similar voice.

The two were shrouded in an awkward silence, which was only broken up because of Kotori. "Can you guys just apologize? I really want to hang out again with all of us, but you two still haven't talked for nearly a week. As friends."

The two sighed. Their friend was right; they have been acting childish.

"I'm sorry, Honoka," Umi surprisingly said first. "I was acting out of line and was trying to get too much personal information out of you."

"I'm sorry too, Umi-chan." Honoka grabbed her friend's hands with her own. "I was being too secretive, and I yelled at you for it. It's something personal to me, so that was why I acted that way."

The two smiled and hugged, their apologies being accepted.

"The contract was just between two of the clubs," Honoka explained to her two friends. "They had to share a room, so they had to decide what days they could use the room."

"I see," Umi said, a bit hesitantly. "Hopefully they are happy with the decision." She wanted to be more suspicious of her friend, but the two of them already cause enough trouble. She just wanted to push it behind her and go back to being on the same page.

"Me too!" Honoka cheerily said. "I don't have anything to do for homework or the student council. Why don't we go out and eat at that sweets place for real?"

"That sounds good. How does that sound, Kotori-chan?" Umi asked her girlfriend.

"I like that! Let's go!" Kotori gleefully said.

Behind that cheeriness, Honoka saw the pained look in Kotori's eyes. _They love each other so much, and it must hurt Kotori-chan to hide this secret from Umi-chan._

 _I'm sorry it had to be like this._

* * *

The end of the first semester finished, and everyone was looking at their scores for the first mock exams.

To no one's surprise, people like Umi and Maki were at the top or the near to of the class. However, Honoka's diligence paid off and she was in the top ten for all of her classes. Her biggest struggle was English, as she placed at ten. However, her math and science vastly improved from last year, nearly breaking the top five for both.

To celebrate their first semester after Muse, they all decided to go and find a good place to eat. Unsurprisingly, the former third-years were there as well and they all decided to go to a nice restaurant. Since Nico worked there, they were all able to get a small discount (on behalf of Nico's paycheck being cut for the week).

"I only bring Maki-chan here. You guys better like the food," Nico said. "I was really looking forward to buy something for mom."

"I can help with it, don't worry and eat," Maki said to her girlfriend, pointing at the food in front of her.

"Yeah, yeah. You and your 'richness,'" Nico mockingly said, getting a laugh from everyone around the table.

 _The flirting…Watching them be in love…Just a bit more of this…You can leave it all behind soon…_

"But, top ten for mock exams? I heard that you've been studying a lot from Kotori and Umi, but how hard did you study exactly?" Eli said with a fry in her mouth.

Honoka awkwardly chuckled. "Well, the student council president should be really smart." She looked to Umi with pleading eyes, not wanting the blue-haired girl to talk about working herself sick. Umi slightly nodded and Honoka took a small breath. "Speaking of which, Rin-chan…"

"Nya?" Rin turned her head to the energetic senior. "W-Wait…No, Rin can't be the student council president. What about Maki-chan or Kayo-chin?"

Honoka smiled, remembering how Rin acted during their Muse days. "There was a reason I wanted you to be the leader when I was away, Rin-chan. As long as you have Hanayo-chan and Maki-chan by your side, it will be fun and easy."

"I…I don't know…" Rin nervously said.

"We'll help you, Rin-chan," Hanayo said, rubbing her thumb on Rin's hand. "Right, Maki-chan?" She asked to the red-head, who nodded in response.

"And we'll show you how everything works," Kotori said. "Once you get the hang of it, you'll all be fine."

Rin looked at her friends and smiled from the support. "Okay…I'll try."

"I trust you, Rin-chan," Honoka said, who smiled brightly at her orange-haired friend. The girl smiled back at Honoka and the two hugged.

"Thanks, Honoka-chan," Rin said.

As the girls finished up their lunch and were leaving the restaurant, Kotori pulled Honoka to the side after excusing the two of them.

"Kotori-chan? What is it?"

"I think you know, Honoka-chan," Kotori said worriedly. "You're putting a lot on Rin-chan, especially now since you're leaving."

"I know…But, I already decided on Rin-chan to be the next president," Honoka explained. "She has two semesters to learn how it works. I believe in her."

"We know you do. What are we going to do when you leave?" Kotori asked.

"You and Umi-chan can do it. Right? I wasn't doing much before I smartened up. It will be like the times before, but I won't be there."

Kotori hugged her friend. "I can't imagine it. I want you to be here," she said through watery eyes.

"I can't, Kotori-chan," Honoka said. The ash-brunette looked up to her, and Honoka struggled to not break down.

"Why?" Kotori said. "Don't you know how much you mean to us?"

"I do. But I've said it before."

"Alright then," Kotori said. She steadied herself and wiped her tears away. "Explain that. Why are you jealous of us? Is it worth it to leave all of us behind?"

"I don't know. But…it's not my intention. I won't forget any of you. It's impossible." Honoka sniffled. "I don't want to say it all. But, I'll tell you one thing."

"What?"

Honoka took a breath. "Do you know what it's like to be in love?"

"Of course I-"

"Do you know how it feels to see that person fall in love with someone else? And for their happiness, you let it happen?"

Kotori took a breath. _Honoka-chan was feeling this way?_

"There's a lot of things that made me make this decision. But, I think that you should know that part, at least," Honoka said.

"H-Honoka-chan?"

The orange-haired girl smiled a small smile. "I'll see you later, Kotori-chan." The orange-haired girl left to get Umi.

Kotori could only tear up. She was trying to understand Honoka's situation, but there was so many things that she said that made Kotori think hard.

"Kotori-chan? Are you okay?" Her girlfriend asked. The ash-brunette felt a pair of hands turn her around, and a gasp when Umi saw her face. "Why are you crying? Did Honoka say something-"

"N-Nothing like that," Kotori said shakily. "She was just telling me that I didn't look too good. My stomach hurts a bit, and I felt a bit embarrassed."

"A-Alright," Umi said. "We'll get you home, and I'll take care of you."

Kotori smiled. She leaned in and kissed Umi's cheek, getting a furious blush to appear on the bluenette's face. "Thank you, Umi-chan."

* * *

"Alright, that's everything. Are you missing anything, Honoka?" The mother asked.

"Hmm…" Honoka looked around her room, seeing if there was anything she could grab. Her clothes were important and most of the other things would be given to her once she reached America for her second semester. Books, pencils, and the like were things she didn't have to worry about. However, something she knew she couldn't forget was her photo album. "Just one last thing."

She grabbed the book off her study desk and held it tightly to her chest. "I want to keep this to look at."

Her mother smiled. "Alright. Let's head down. Claire is waiting." Honoka nodded.

When the two came downstairs, they saw Claire and Yukiho talking while Honoka's father was sitting on the couch.

"Ah, Honoka. Are you prepared?" Claire asked.

"I think so. I have the most important thing here," Honoka said as she held out her photo album.

Everyone smiled at Honoka's cheerfulness. Something new for the girl was never too daunting, and this was no exception.

"Good. We're going to leave for the airport soon. We have about three hours. Are you ready to go?" Claire asked.

"Almost." Honoka placed the photo album on the table by the door and walked over to her father. "I'm going to miss you dad. I'll make you proud." The father could only sniffle and bring his daughter into a warm hug. She heard a quiet 'I love you,' which made her tear up.

After, she went over to her mother. "I'll miss you too, mom. I'll be sure to do my best in school. I want to do well for all of us."

Mrs. Kousaka brought her daughter into a hug. "I hope you have fun and be able to make new friends. I know you'll be able to. Be safe and call us." Honoka nodded. Her mother gave her a kiss on the forehead before Honoka went to her sister.

"Onee-chan…" Yukiho said, struggling not to cry.

Honoka was quicker and hugged her sister, who returned it soon after. "Thank you so much, Yukiho-chan," Honoka said through her shaky voice. "You've help me so much."

"I…don't feel like I did…" the younger girl said flatly. "Are things going to be okay with you and your friends?"

"…I don't know. But, I will make sure it is when I come back. Who knows, it could be a few weeks or a few years," Honoka said. "When I come back, I'm going to tell them everything."

"You promise?" Yukiho put her pinkie out, which Honoka hooked.

"Promise. I love you."

"I…I love you…too…" Yukiho said, not being afraid of her tears falling.

Honoka walked over to Claire after her sister talk. "Okay, Claire-san. I'm ready."

"Alright." The businesswoman turned her attention the Kousaka family. "I will make sure Honoka is alright. Once we land in the US and get to her home, I'll make sure she calls you all. What time is the best?"

"Anytime," Mrs. Kousaka said. "We'll always be sure to stay awake for her."

Claire smiled. "Noted. Let's go, Honoka?"

Said girl nodded. "Okay!"

Honoka sat in the passenger seat as Claire packed up the luggage in the trunk. As the two drove away, Honoka looked back to see her family waving at her. And she returned it. She didn't know when she would see them again, at least not over the phone.

After they got out of range, Honoka and Claire sat in silence. However, one thing came to Honoka's mind.

"Claire-san, we have time before the flight, right?"

Looking quickly at her watch, she nodded. "Yes, we haven't gone too far. Is there something you forgot?"

"Not forgot, but there is something I want to do," Honoka said. "I'll tell you where to go."

…

 _ **KNOCK!**_

The door opened to have Honoka see Mrs. Minami at the door. "Honoka? Aren't you going to miss your flight?"

The girl smiled. "Thanks for the concern, Minami-san. But, we'll be okay. I just wanted to talk to Kotori before I go."

"Oh, okay. I'll get her."

Honoka waited outside as Mrs. Minami went to get her daughter. After the door was opened again, Honoka saw her sleepy friend in her pyjamas

Kotori's drowsiness was gone when she saw Honoka at the door. "Honoka-chan?"

"I just wanted to see you before I left."

Kotori's eyes widened. "You're leaving…now?"

Honoka nodded. "My plane leaves in about two and a half hours. Once I'm on there, I'll be in America."

"Oh…" Kotori said dejectedly.

"I know that you're sad, Kotori-chan. But, I want you to know that I'm going to call you when I get to America," Honoka said. "I'm going to make sure I get to talk to you as much as I can."

"O-Okay," Kotori said.

"I promised Yukiho, and I'm going to promise you as well, Kotori-chan." Honoka held her friend's hands, causing Kotori to look at her friend's eyes. "When I come back, be it for a tour or because I failed during the first weeks, I'm going to tell everyone everything."

The ash-brunette's eyes shimmered for a second before they became slightly dulled. "Why can't you tell me now? I want to know, Honoka-chan!"

"Because it's something that everyone needs to know." Honoka squeezed Kotori's hands. "I promise."

Kotori could only nod as she ran into Honoka and hugged her, tears falling onto Honoka's shirt. And Honoka returned the embrace, the tears she cried staining Kotori's pyjamas.

"I'm going to miss you. All of you," Honoka whispered into Kotori's ear, who only nodded.

* * *

 **A/N: Wow, this was a bit overdue (maybe?). Sorry that it took so long. I've never been good at not procrastinating and it happened with this story as well. I knew what I wanted to write, but I was just too lazy (even though I wanted to finish it really soon).**

 **I feel that this chapter may have been overly long, but I wanted to get a lot out in a chapter. And also, I usually write this many for a chapter. My prediction for 3 chapters is probably going to change to 4 or 5. There's a set-up chapter that I want to do next and I really don't want to keep you people waiting for the next one. School is going to be a pain, but it's always going to be. I try my best to get this set-up chapter finished soon, but I can't guarantee a date. Like I said, it's always going to be a crapshoot for when I get a new chapter out.**

 **Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter. If you did, follow/favourite and please leave reviews if you liked or disliked it.**

 **Thanks for Reading!**


	4. Summer Days

The summer break finally came for the eight girls of Muse. So, Nico and Nozomi planned to have another beach get-together. They had it all set-up: Maki's parents lent them the beach house again and the week they planned looked to be beautiful for the weather. All that left was for all of them to have their schedules line up.

It seemed like they had everything perfect. But, being at Eli and Nozomi's shared apartment made one thing clear.

"Where the hell is Honoka?" Nico asked, frustrated. "We've been trying to talk to her for days and she hasn't replied to any of us. We have less than a week left before the trip!"

"Alright, calm down," Maki said, placing a hand on her stressing girlfriend's shoulder. "She would have a good reason for not replying to us."

"Has everyone tried something?" Rin asked the room. There was a collective nod.

"Whenever I call her, it says that the phone is unavailable," Eli said. "I guess she could have switched phones."

"Doesn't make sense why she would, but it is a reasonable point," Nico said. "How about an email or something? Something more formal?"

"Haven't gotten any reply back," Umi said sadly. Not knowing why her friend wasn't responding to anything was worrying. Kotori sensed that feeling, and she squeezed Umi's hand in assurance. The bluenette's head perked up. "Why don't we go ask Yukiho?"

"That sounds good," Hanayo meekly said. She looked at the others, who agreed.

"Who better to ask than her sister?" Nico said. "Okay, when should we-"

"I think only Umi-chan and I should go," Kotori offered. They all looked at her questioningly. "We all are worried about her, but she could be dealing with something. If we confront her about it, she would be scared."

Eli sighed. "You have a point, Kotori. Alright. So, you'll visit her before our trip?"

The two nodded. But it hurt Kotori to blatantly lie to her friends. _I'm sorry…_

…

The two girls decided to go over to Honoka's house the same day of the meeting in the apartment. They entered the shop and was met by the youngest member of the Kousaka family at the counter.

"Hello…Oh! Umi-chan and Kotori-chan," Yukiho said. She bowed to her two seniors. "What brings you here?"

"We were just going to ask Honoka why she hasn't been calling any of us," Umi replied. "We were planning a get-together with everyone, but Honoka hasn't been responding to any of us."

"I…uh…" Yukiho stammered out. Umi was a bit skeptical, but Kotori knew the reason why she was so nervous. She bowed again. "I apologize for my sister's behaviour. I thought that she told you, but I guess not. She's gone for the summer break, visiting our grandparents."

"Oh," Umi said plainly. She was surprised that Honoka didn't tell anyone about it, but she was more than willing to agree. One thing was bothering her. "So, just Honoka? Not your family or yourself?"

"We visited them when you guys were in America," Yukiho explained. "And my parents knew that Honoka was old enough to handle herself being away from us."

Umi sighed, but she noticed the way her girlfriend wasn't very active in the conversation. "Kotori, are you alright?"

"Y-Yes," Kotori said in surprised, Umi's words shaking her from her thoughts. "I'm just sad that Honoka-chan isn't here. Tell her to have fun," Kotori said to Yukiho.

"Yeah, I will."

…

The girls were obviously sad that they couldn't go out as Muse again. But, they were still happy that Honoka was visiting her grandparents for so long.

Instead of dwelling on Honoka's absence, they instead made sure to have the time of their lives while they were there. They took many pictures of all the activities they did, and all of them were happy to be around each other and were excited to show Honoka the pictures.

All but one person.

She hid her true feelings away, because she did really enjoy herself. Being around friends, having her girlfriend around; all of it was enjoyable. But Kotori's mind was in a different place when she wasn't with her friends.

How was Honoka doing? Is she safe? How long until she get to perform? Will she call me? Her family? When will she come back?

Those were just some of the many questions she had when she was alone. She always kept her phone close by, just in case Honoka called. _She said that she would_ , Kotori thought countlessly. And yet, she was getting nothing.

When she thought about Honoka, she thought about the pictures that everyone took. Yes, it was mostly them as a group. But there were pictures when it was just a couple together. Nico and Maki, or Rin and Hanayo.

And it made her think about the dinner they had after they got the exam marks back.

 _Do you know how it feels to see that person fall in love with someone else? And for their happiness, you let it happen?_

Those words haunted Kotori's mind. _Who does she mean?_ Was all Kotori could think about. _Me? Umi-chan? Nico-chan? Someone we don't know?_

Just thinking about those thoughts made her tear up. _I'm Honoka's best friend, and I couldn't see this?_

She didn't want anyone to be sad around her. So, she made sure to push away those feelings when she was with her friends. But in the back of her mind, it was always there.

* * *

 _Days Earlier_

Honoka was expecting some sort of fanfare when she arrived in America. And yet, she wasn't surprised when all she did after getting there was go to her new home and relax.

It was an eleven-hour flight, and yet the both of them were tuckered out. On the ride to the new home, Honoka got to see the city of Los Angeles. She heard from Claire that it is one of the most well-known places, especially for celebrities. Additionally, it was where Claire's company was situated, so it would be the most convenient.

The two were going to share Claire's apartment since there was an extra room for guests, which was now Honoka. After getting all of her stuff into the new room, Honoka lazily plopped herself onto the new bed. "Ah…a real bed…"

Claire laughed. "Glad you like it. Hopefully, you'll find it enjoyable here. It's close by the high school you will attend and we are situated around a shopping center, so you don't have to worry about travelling unless we go to the studio."

"Will I have to go to the studio now?" Honoka asked.

"No, that will be after you finish school," Claire responded. "For now, you just need to focus on your studies."

"Aw!"

"After summer break," Claire clarified. "For now, just try to enjoy yourself. I'll call you when we'll eat. Why don't you call your family?"

Looking outside, Honoka saw the near pitch-black sky. "It's nighttime. Would it be okay to call them?"

"It's morning for them right now, so you don't have to worry about waking them up. Besides," Claire said before she left the room, "They said that they'll be ready to talk anytime."

The door closed, and Claire's words sunk in. "Oh yeah," Honoka said when she remembered her mother's words.

She brought out her phone and loaded up her messenger. She began to call them, hoping that they would pick up. It was only half a day of being away from her family, but she was already feeling homesick. It wasn't long before the call began, and Honoka was met with Yukiho's face. It brightened up immediately.

"MOM! DAD! ONEE-CHAN IS CALLING!" Yukiho excitedly said. Honoka heard rapid footsteps and was soon greeted by the entire family on the screen.

"Hi," Honoka said.

"Honoka! I'm so glad you're there safe," Mrs. Kousaka said in relief, with Honoka's father nodding in agreement. "How are you?"

The girl smiled. "Good. As you can see…" Honoka showed off the dark sky to her family. "…It's pretty late and I'm feeling tired. After Claire-san and I eat, I was going to sleep."

"Really?" Mrs. Kousaka said a bit worriedly. "I don't want to make you lose sleep!"

"Mom, it's okay," Honoka laughed. "I still have to wait for the food to come. And I really wanted to talk to you guys, even if it's for a bit."

"Oh, alright," the mother said. "Well, we'll talk to you when you get some rest. We're just glad you're safe. We'll let you and your sister talk while we start opening up shop. Love you!"

"I love you too!" Honoka said as she saw the two walk away. "Hi, Yukiho."

"I've missed seeing you, onee-chan," Yukiho said with tears forming in her eyes.

"I have too," Honoka said. "How have you been? School was okay?"

The younger nodded. "Alisa-chan and I have started dating and our classes are together. It's been fun being with her."

"That's good to hear," Honoka said. "Have my friends talked to you yet?"

"Not really," Yukiho replied. "Just Eli-san sometimes when I go to Alisa-chan's house."

Honoka nodded. "Okay."

"Do you think it was still a good idea?" Yukiho asked.

Honoka knew exactly what she was talking about, so she didn't try to avoid the question. "I'll hope. After I graduate, I'll start my career for real. And hopefully, I'll be successful. I want to make you guys proud."

Yukiho smiled, but it quickly went away. "I'm happy to hear that. But, I'm talking about your friends. Are you going to be okay being so far away from your friends?"

"I told you, didn't I?" Honoka said. "It's hard to say. I'm sad that I have to be so far away from them. But yet, I'm happy I don't have to think about their relationships. You saw how I was."

Yukiho sighed. "I guess so…What can I tell them? What if they ask me about where you are?"

Honoka smiled. "You're a smart girl. Smarter than I am. You can think of something."

There was some silence with Yukiho contemplating an excuse and Honoka watching her sister make it up.

"Yeah, I think I have it," Yukiho said. "I don't want you to fail or anything, but I want you to explain everything to them. It hurts to see you like that, onee-chan."

"I know it does. It hurts a lot to feel that way," Honoka said. "Thanks for helping me."

"You're welcome," Yukiho said. "I'll let you eat and sleep. I love you."

Honoka smiled. "I love you too."

After she hung up, she rested on her bed with her thoughts.

 _I'll tell them. If I told them now, they wouldn't be happy. I guess they wouldn't be happy when I plan to tell them, but what about now?_

"Honoka! Dinner!" Claire called out from the door.

"Coming!" Honoka said back as she got off the bed.

* * *

 **A/N:** **Look a new chapter! And…it's probably not up to the standards that I usually hold to myself. Why? Well…**

 **Let's just say that I glossed over this part and worked on the more angsty part of the fall season.**

 **I was writing the chapter after this one, thinking that it will be the next 'logical' step after Honoka's departure. And then I remembered: "Oh yeah, I haven't even talked about Honoka in America. Whoops!"**

 **After that blunder, I began to write it quickly. And then I realized that this chapter is just showing off what happened. I like the part that I wrote about Kotori's thoughts, but that's about it. I was so invested in the other chapter that I just lost any sense of care for this one.**

 **Now, you may be sad that this chapter is really short. And some may feel bad for me because I might be losing ideas (which, if you do, thank you). But, do not fret! Now that this chapter is done, I can focus on the next chapter which I plan to get out either late today or tomorrow. And if I feel excited about the chapter after the next one (which I am), I have reading week to do so! I have some plans and homework to do, but I want to get a lot of progress finished for this story. Once I finish the next chapter (and BBQ during February), I want to keep going with the story.**

 **Chapter-wise, I think that there are 2 (not including the next chapter) left, and I already have the ideas for it. No, I did not take any ideas from the reviews and the ending is going to be my idea alone. Again, I'm going to thank** Mr. Orange freshly squeezed **for giving me this wonderful idea and making me have a drive to want to write something.**

 **In the meantime (and after some long rambling), I hope you enjoyed the chapter (and the one that should be coming soon after). If you did, leave a favourite/follow and leave those reviews!**

 **Thanks for Reading!**

 **P.S: After the next chapter, I have a fic that I want to write. I have a feeling it could develop into a multi-chapter fic, but I want it to be a one-shot. No details, but just want to say that there could be another fic in the works!**


	5. Truth for One

**A/N: So...looks like FFN took out lines...So, for time breaks (week/days/last part of chapter), they will be specified with the line of text below. Thanks for understanding.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hello, Kotori-chan," Umi said.

The ash-brunette walked over and gave her girlfriend a tight hug. "Hi, Umi-chan," she said. Her hug wasn't only because she missed being with Umi; the two met up often during the summer break and had quite a few dates and double dates with the other Muse girls.

No, the hug wasn't only because she wanted to be with her girlfriend. She knew that the last year of high school was going to be drastically different.

The two walked to their class with their hands held. Once they arrived, Umi expected her other best friend to be waiting at a desk since it was the new term.

"Honoka isn't here yet?" Umi said, looking around the room. She kept her eyes on the doors as she took a seat beside her girlfriend. "She was doing so well. Now, she's going to be late? On the first day of the new semester?" She sighed.

Kotori nervously chuckled. "Umi-chan, don't give Honoka-chan a bad time," she said accusingly, pointing her index finger at her girlfriend. "Maybe she had some work to do. She must have come back from her grandparent's home," she said half-heartedly.

Umi sighed but nodded in agreement. "That girl…either making me worry that she's going to be late or going to get sick."

The teacher came into the classroom and asked everyone to be seated. They promptly did before she addressed the class.

"Welcome back to the second semester. We will have new subjects, but everything should stay relatively the same as last semester," the teacher said. "Before we start, I would just like to inform everyone that one of the top students will not be here for the rest of her high school year. Kousaka Honoka."

Right as the teacher uttered the name, tons of murmuring came from the entire room. Umi looked at Kotori with shock, and all the latter could do was pretend to be surprised. Before the room lost control, the teacher told the students to quiet down.

"Please, be quiet!" After the murmurs died down, the teacher began to speak again. "I was told to not disclose any information regarding Kousaka-san's absence, but all I can say is that she will not be here for the next semesters. Also, regarding the student council…Sonoda-san."

Said girl jolted out of her seat and stood up straight. "Yes?!"

"As I am aware, you are now the student council president. Minami-san will be your vice president. And I am aware that Kousaka-san chose Hoshizora-san to be the next president. Please, treat them well."

"Yes!" Umi replied.

"Good, you may be seated." The bluenette took her seat as the teacher coughed to clear her throat. "With that out of the way, we will start with history…"

…

As the day went on, Kotori noticed how annoyed Umi was. She knew the reason why, but she wanted to let her girlfriend blow off some steam.

The two were sitting in the student council room, doing the mundane job of paperwork. It was near silent, only the sounds of pens writing and papers turning being the source of sounds.

"Umi-chan?" Kotori nervously called, stopping her work to talk to her girlfriend.

"What?" The bluenette sharply said, making the ash-brunette regret speaking.

"N-Never mind," Kotori said as she got back to her paperwork. "It's nothing."

Umi put down her pen and sighed. "No, it's not. I'm…I'm sorry. I'm just very…stressed."

"With Honoka-chan leaving?" Kotori asked. She saw her girlfriend grab the pen and squeeze it tightly.

"Yes," Umi said, her voice nearly betraying her as she spoke. She was trying to be calm, but just mentioning her friend's name made her mad.

"W-What about her?" Kotori said, trying not to upset her girlfriend even more.

"Just…why?" Umi breathed out.

Kotori wanted to say something to comfort her. But, she felt like her words would betray her.

' _She needed to! She couldn't decline the offer! She's doing it for us! She's hurting!'_

All of these thoughts swirled around in her head, and she wanted to pour her heart out to Umi. And yet, she wanted to keep the promise to Honoka.

She heard a choked back sob come from the bluenette, so Kotori moved over to hug her girlfriend.

"We were going to graduate together…" Umi said with a sob. "Our last year should be **all** of us, together. And she just…leaves? Not a single word? And we don't even know where she is?"

Kotori couldn't hold back her tears, but she wasn't broken down like Umi was. She at least knew of Honoka leaving, but it still hurt to hear everything that she wanted to happen not be possible.

"Did we do something wrong? Why would she just leave us without saying anything?" Umi cried even harder.

"I don't know," Kotori said. She joined in with the sobs with her girlfriend.

 _She'll tell us._

…

News about Honoka's departure quickly spread around the school. The now second-years heard about it and that eventually spread to the college girls. So, Umi decided to hold an emergency Muse meeting.

The last three girls were the graduates, who walked in the student council room at a quick pace.

"Alright, we're all here…" Umi said, but immediately regretted it after. She saw the room deflate even further than it was before.

"I guess so," Maki said with a sigh. Nico sat beside her girlfriend, took one of her hands and squeezed it. It made Maki tear up, which she was quick to wipe away.

"So, you've heard nothing?" Eli asked the two third-years. "Honoka hasn't contacted you or said anything about it?"

Umi shook her head, but she and Eli noticed how Kotori acted when she was asked. She was shaking, her eyes were closed, and she had a stream of tears.

"Kotori-chan?" Nozomi said worriedly. "What wrong?"

"N-Nothing!" Kotori said in a panic. She was worrying too much that she completely forgot to answer. _I want to tell them, but I don't want to be inconsiderate of Honoka's promise,_ she thought. "No, we haven't heard anything from Honoka-chan," Kotori said.

Umi hugged her girlfriend. "I know it's hard, but we have to get used to it."

"I know," Kotori quietly said through her crying. Umi hugged her even tighter after hearing Kotori's words.

"What do we do?" Rin asked loudly so the room could hear her. "What's going to happen with everything?"

Umi turned to the future student council president. "We can't do much other than try and live out life like normal." She grabbed Rin's hand, which made the younger girl look up at her. "For now, I'm the new student council president. And soon, you will be too. If you want, we can teach you all that we can to prepare you."

"I…"

"You can do it, Rin-chan!" Hanayo said encouragingly. "Maki-chan and I will be with you, so you have nothing to worry about!"

"Kayo-chin…" Rin said lovingly. She hugged her girlfriend and looked at Umi. The bluenette liked the look in her eyes: determined. "Alright, Umi-chan! I'll do it!"

Umi smiled. "Alright."

"That's good and all," Nico said, interrupting the new decision, "But, we still have a bigger thing to worry about. We're all nervous about Honoka, but we can't really do much to contact her."

"We can certainly try," Nozomi said. "We should all try and see if we can talk to her. Other than that, Nico-chi is right…"

"Then we will," Umi said. "We all want to know what happened because we're all wondering about it. We'll try over the weekend." She got nods from everyone in the room. "Alright, let's just head home then."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 _ **KNOCK!**_

Mrs. Kousaka opened the door to see Kotori standing there. She was shivering in her jacket on the cold night, and she made sure to treat the guest right.

"Ah! Kotori!" Mrs. Kousaka said, hugging the girl. "Your mother just called telling me you were coming over. Please, come in!"

"Thank you," Kotori said with a bow. She sighed in content once she stepped into the household. She took off her shoes and placed them on the rack. The older woman motioned to the living room, which Kotori began to walk to. As she took a seat, a cup of tea was essentially teleported to her spot.

"How are you, Kotori?" Mrs. Kousaka asked.

"I'm alright," she replied. "The first week of school without Honoka-chan was different, but we'll get used to it."

"Yeah, it is weird without her around," the mother said wistfully. "But, we've heard that she's been doing alright. Has she called you girls yet?"

Kotori shook her head. "We've been a bit nervous about calling her too." _Because she hasn't told anyone else,_ she thought.

"That girl…" Mrs. Kousaka said disapprovingly. "I apologize for that. Maybe you can talk with her now, if that's alright with you."

The ash-brunette smiled. "That sounds fine. Would it be okay if Yukiho-chan can talk with us as well?"

"Sure!" The woman said. "Let me get her, and you girls can talk here."

The woman walked out of the room, leaving Kotori tending to a cup of tea. Soon, she heard footsteps and she saw Yukiho enter the room.

"K-Kotori-san."

"Yukiho-chan," she calmly said. "We know that Honoka-chan left."

"R-Right. I was getting all sorts of questions when it spread around. She's…at-"

"You don't need to lie to me, Yukiho-chan," Kotori said, a bit annoyed. "I know."

"You…You do?" The younger girl said in disbelief. Kotori nodded. "Onee-chan never told me that…Does anyone else know?"

Kotori shook her head. "I promised her not to tell anyone. She said that she would when she comes back to Japan."

"Yeah, she promised me that too."

"I heard."

An awkward silence filled the room but was soon broken by Kotori. "How is she?"

"She's fine."

"She said she would call me, but I've heard nothing. Do you mind if we call her together?"

"That's…fine." Yukiho brought out her phone and called up Honoka. After a few seconds it was picked up.

"Hi, Yuki…K-Kotori-chan…" Honoka nervously said.

"Onee-chan! You never said anything about Kotori-chan knowing!" Yukiho said.

"I know! I never expected to tell her either. I just…did."

Yukiho sighed. "Also, I heard that you haven't called Kotori-san. I'll just be outside, you should talk to her."

"Okay," Honoka said, defeated. "I will."

As Yukiho started to leave, she was stopped by Kotori's hand. "Can you leave us alone?" Kotori sadly said. "I have some things to talk about…and I don't think I want you to hear it."

She wanted to protest, but Yukiho couldn't say no to how sad Kotori sounded. "Alright. Just…call me when you're done."

Kotori nodded and Yukiho left the room. Neither girl knew what to say to each other, which left another tense silence.

 _I should at least say hi._ Honoka cleared her throat before speaking. "Ko-"

"Why is this the first time we've talked since you moved?" Kotori asked, her voice nearly breaking as she spoke. "Don't you know how worried I was?"

"I know…I'm sorry…" Honoka said in shame.

"Is that all you can say?!" Kotori said, voice bordering the lines between sadness and anger. "Do you know what I've been through for the past few months?"

"I-"

"Everyday, I worried about you! All I wanted to know was that you were okay!" Kotori cried her heart out to her best friend. "You said you would call me and yet, nothing!"

Honoka stayed silent, absorbing all of the verbal punishment that she deserved. Her best friend was hurt because she left, and this just hurt her even more.

"You aren't going to say anything?" Kotori asked, her voice now only laced with annoyance. "I tell you how I'm feeling while hiding it from everyone. What if I told them about where you were right now?"

"No!" Honoka cried out from hearing Kotori's threat. "You can't!"

"Why not?!" Kotori angrily asked. "What makes me think that I can trust you now? Don't you know how much I've been hurting trying to hide this from our friends? From Umi-chan?"

"I…" Honoka sighed. "I've seen it."

"Don't you understand how much pressure you've put on me?"

"Can I do something to relieve some of it?" Honoka asked. "I just can't trust anyone but you, Kotori-chan."

"It depends," Kotori said.

"I'll tell you everything. Why I left, why I didn't tell anyone."

Kotori's eyes widened from hearing Honoka's claim. "R-Really?"

"I swear. For real."

The ash-brunette wiped her eyes. "Alright. As long as you tell me everything, I'll keep it to myself."

Honoka smiled a small smile. "I promise." She sighed before starting.

"You remember what I said to you when we left the restaurant."

Kotori gulped. It was one of her most vivid memories. "You said that you loved someone, but you let them go with the person they were in love with."

Honoka nodded. "Kotori-chan…you were one of the people I let go."

Her tears began to form again, with them streaming endlessly when she heard Honoka's words. She had guesses about who Honoka was talking about, with her being one of them. But to actually hear it…

"I…" Kotori wanted to say something, but she couldn't make up any words. It left her speechless. However, when she thought about her friend's words and thought came to her mind. "I was **one** of the people?"

Honoka sadly nodded. "I won't say who, but yes…I fell in love more than once and I let them go every time."

"I'm…I'm sorry, Honoka-chan!" Kotori said with her voice cracking.

"You don't have to be," Honoka said. "I made those choices because I wanted others to be happy. I saw how each of you were happy with another person. What good would come of it if I said something about my feelings and made everyone confused?

"After that, I wanted things to die down. I didn't want to see or think about love. But then, all of you found someone within our group of friends. And…I got sick of it."

Kotori couldn't hold back her sobs and she cried her heart out. "How…" Kotori said after a few minutes of crying. "How could I…not see that!? I'm…your best friend!"

"Shh…" Honoka said, trying to calm her friend down. After the sobs were quieter, she continued. "Yes, if you guys talked to me it would have helped. But, I should have been more open with it."

Kotori wiped her eyes again. "So, you moved because you were sick of us?"

Honoka winced at the blunt words, but she couldn't deny it. She nodded. "Yes. I was around you guys everyday. I had to see all of the love stuff that I couldn't have."

"What-What about when we invited you to do stuff?" Kotori asked. "Didn't you have fun?"

"I did. But…" Honoka sighed. "When I was around a couple, it just reminded me of how lonely it was."

It was Kotori's turn to wince. "Oh. I'm…I'm sorry," Kotori said with her voice breaking again.

"It's fine. I get what everyone wanted to do. But…I just couldn't handle it.

"When I saw Claire-san outside the karaoke place, I was surprised that she wanted to recruit me. But, when she talked to me about what could happen…I couldn't help but feel excited. You girls would get your happiness and I could get mine."

"Is it going well?" Kotori asked, taking a small detour from the topic at hand.

Honoka smiled. "I think so. I've found some new friends and I'm doing well for the first semester over here. You really helped me with my studies, and I made sure to keep up with them."

Kotori smiled the first smile she could remember doing during this talk. "That's good."

"I'm hoping I don't flop," Honoka said with a chuckle. Kotori chuckled along with her. But, she cleared her throat and continued her story. "I don't think they would handle me coming back after disappearing on them."

Kotori shook her head. "I know Umi-chan's feelings at least, and she's both upset and sad that you're not here."

Honoka nodded. "I understand. This is why I couldn't tell them, Kotori-chan. If I told them how I was feeling, everyone would feel awkward and sad just because they couldn't see how one person was feeling. I don't want anything to happen with any of you; your relationships are too perfect for me to break up. I'm going to hope that you all will love each other even more since I'm gone."

Kotori smiled again. "Thank you, Honoka-chan. Is…Is there a reason you haven't been calling me?"

Honoka sighed. "I always was afraid that you were with Umi-chan or someone else. I didn't want to risk anything. And…I've told you that I didn't want to tell anyone except for my family." Kotori nodded. "I didn't want to tell you what I just told you. I wanted to save it for when I was back. But, it's out there now."

Kotori hung her head. "I feel awful now."

"Please!" Honoka said loudly, making Kotori look at the screen again. "Don't feel like that. I only told you this because it was necessary. I want you to be happy."

Kotori hesitated, but nodded. "I'll…I'll try."

Honoka smiled. "That's all I want." The orange-haired girl turned her head. "Coming! Sorry, Kotori-chan. Claire-san needs me for something."

"It's alright. I'm just glad that we can talk," Kotori said. She pouted at Honoka. "You better call me now." Her pout turned into a sad smile. "I want to know how you're doing."

Honoka smiled. "I will."

After they said their goodbyes, Kotori took a deep breath. She walked to the door and called Yukiho's name, who quickly came running downstairs.

"Did you and onee-chan have a good talk?" She asked. Instead of getting a verbal response, Yukiho felt Kotori's head fall on her shoulder. She hugged the ash-brunette. "It's alright."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The bell rang for lunch. Kotori reached into her bag and pulled out her lunch box and began to eat.

"Kotori-chan, are you alright?" Umi asked with concern.

"Yes?" Kotori said. "Don't I look okay?"

Umi smiled. "You always look good," she replied rather boldly. Her blush grew when the words left her mouth, which got a giggle from Kotori. "W-What I meant was how you are emotionally. You seemed really out of it before lunch."

Kotori eyes widened a bit, realizing that her talk with Honoka was spilling into public.

"Sorry, Umi-chan. I don't want to worry you. I'm just feeling a bit under the weather today," Kotori said.

"Do you need to go to the nurse?" Umi said in a panic.

Kotori held one of her girlfriend's hands and smiled. "I'm fine, Umi-chan. Just missing Honoka-chan. Maybe…you can stay the night today?"

The bluenette blushed. "S-S-Sure…" She said unconfidently. "I'll j-just tell my family."

"Thanks," Kotori said, finishing the conversation with a kiss on Umi's hand (who proceeded to tremble back to her desk to get her lunch).

Kotori took a deep breath before she took another bite, trying to get her mind away from her talk with Honoka.

 _Honoka-chan doesn't want me to think about the reasons why she left. But how can I not? If we just looked at Honoka for more than a second, we could have helped her. She wouldn't have felt this way if we just noticed!_

She felt her eyes watering, so she tried to wipe the tears away before Umi saw. But it was too late.

"Kotori-chan?" Umi leaned in, concern oozing in her voice. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

The ash-brunette choked back a sob. "I just…miss Honoka-chan…" She said quietly. Umi wrapped her arms around her crying girlfriend.

"We all do," Umi said. "She'll be back. I know it."

Kotori nodded. _She said she would._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **A/N: Well, it wasn't finished 'by tomorrow,' but better late than never. I was contemplating making this part longer, but I'm deciding to make it another chapter (the time skips would be much more jarring if I placed it here instead of making it a new chapter. Also, I can add more stuff to it).**

 **Even with my reading week break, I might be lazy with the next chapter. It's just how I am, sadly. No, I am not putting this on hiatus. However, like the other chapters, I don't know when the new one will be finished. I'll be working on it as much as I can while trying to balance the lazy side of me, because I really want to get this story finished. Hopefully, you guys understand.**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoy the new chapter. If you did, favourite/follow and please leave reviews with critiques or anything.**

 **Thanks for Reading!**


	6. Stardom

Honoka and Kotori made it a plan to talk with each other at least once a week on the weekend. On occasion, they were able to talk of a few other days, but they always had that special time on the weekend.

During these talks, they discussed a large range of topics. Daily life, school, and planned activities were just a sliver of what they discussed. The latter was something that Kotori wanted to avoid. After their first talk since Honoka left for America, she felt guilty if she mentioned any dates that she and Umi planned with her best friend. However, Honoka told her to not worry about it.

"I want you to be happy, Kotori-chan! I know that Umi-chan makes you happy!" is what she always said. They both knew that this was the exact reason why Honoka left. However, the orange-haired girl explained that not witnessing it and just hearing about it was much better for her. Kotori had doubts about what her friend was saying but Honoka assured her that it was true.

Honoka also assured her friend that she didn't have to think about Honoka's former love for Kotori. It was tough for Kotori to handle for at least a week, maybe even more. Knowing that she was a part of the reason why Honoka left made the ash-brunette feel extremely guilty. However, Honoka explained that she got over her. Yes, it was tough. But, she only saw Kotori as a friend now.

* * *

 _Start of Winter Semester_

The first week of the winter semester was finished. Kotori, unfortunately, caught a cold and had to stay home. She and Umi were planning to have a date where they ice skated but was cancelled because of this cold.

Umi stayed over at Kotori's house for Saturday as she was getting treated for the sickness. Thankfully, Umi and her mother were there to help aide her with medicine and food. It made her feel better as Sunday rolled around. Umi left during the midday (around 1) since she hasn't been with her family in a while.

After seeing her girlfriend off, Kotori lied on her bed and was slowly falling back to sleep. However, she remembered one important thing before dozing off.

She got her phone and began to call Honoka. After a few seconds, it was picked up and Kotori was met with the orange-haired girl's joyful face.

"Kotori-chan!" Honoka said excitedly. "I thought you weren't going to call."

Kotori faintly smiled. "Sorry, Honoka-chan. I just remembered. I wasn't feeling too good this weekend."

"I can see that," Honoka said. Kotori lightly giggled with how honest her friend was. "Are you okay?"

Kotori nodded. "Just had a cold that should go away after the weekend. My mom and Umi-chan were treating me, so I should be good to go soon."

"That's great!" Honoka said. "It's always so warm here. It was about 11 degrees today."

"That's so warm!" Kotori said. "I wish it was like that here."

"Yeah, it's really nice," Honoka said with a smile.

"How are you, Honoka-chan?" Kotori asked, changing the subject to a more Honoka-focused one.

"I'm good! Claire-san is just cooking a late dinner now while I'm watching some shows," Honoka replied.

Kotori giggled. "I always forget the time is different there."

"Yeah," Honoka said. She showed Kotori the beautiful, starry sky. "It's 8 o'clock right now, but we haven't had dinner. Oh!"

"What is it, Honoka-chan?" Kotori asked.

"Why don't we have dinner with you? You can meet Claire-san," Honoka offered.

Kotori looked at her friend questioningly. "Honoka-chan, it's only the afternoon here. I can't have dinner yet."

Honoka giggled. "I know that. What about you have your mom bring some porridge and you can eat that while we have our dinner? Besides, I really want you to meet Claire-san!" She said excitedly. She pointed her phone at Claire, who was in the kitchen finishing the salad.

Kotori took in the appearance of Claire. She was absolutely beautiful. Her jet-black hair that flowed to her upper back was striking. She expected to see a scary face with the appearance from the back. But when Claire turned around, Kotori saw the kind and almost motherly look of Claire. Her warm brown eyes and the loving smile was something Kotori could admire for a while. She had nothing on her beautiful Umi, but she knew that Claire could get anyone she wanted based on looks alone.

"Is that okay, Claire-san?" Honoka asked.

The woman lightly laughed. "I'm fine with it. I would like to meet some of your friends from Muse. It's good to start with one. Hello, Kotori."

The mid-low tone of Claire's voice made Kotori blush. "H-Hi…"

"Hey, no need to be nervous," Claire said. "It's nice to have company that's not just Honk, even in video form."

"Honk?" Kotori said.

"It's a nickname. We'll explain during dinner," Claire said. "Honk, the food's ready."

"Yay!" The orange-haired girl cheered.

And so, the three had 'dinner,' with Kotori getting some porridge as Honoka said. Their talks ranged from the typical ones the younger two had, such as school and daily life. Claire learned that the girls in Muse were in a relationship with another, which she assumed would have happened. Past that point, Claire explained the reason why she called the aspiring performer Honk (she always had to calm Honoka down and stop her from rambling. Thus, Honk was born). They also went over Honoka's future as an idol.

"Do you think Honoka would be better as a singer/songwriter?" Claire asked Kotori.

"Hmm," Kotori hummed, bringing a finger to her chin. "I think that Honoka-chan should start with some covers of English songs. It would help her with her English and be able to reach a wider audience. She wouldn't be starting off with too many people, maybe just the fans of Muse," Kotori explained.

"That's a good idea," Claire said. "When your classes are finishing, we'll get to work on that."

"Alright!" Honoka exclaimed.

"I don't really know how well Honoka-chan is at writing. Umi-chan was the one to write all of our songs," Kotori continued.

Claire hummed. "We could go with her if we want to have you sing new songs. Either Umi or we hire some songwriters. Would it be alright if I talked with Umi?"

The two younger girls froze. Honoka knew that Kotori meant no wrong; she was just being her honest self. However, the only people who know about Honoka's true intentions for leaving were the two girls and Yukiho. Claire didn't know anything about it.

"Maybe we should only bother one of my friends for today," Honoka said with a nervous chuckle. "Kotori-chan, is it alright if we log off?"

Kotori did a similar chuckle. "Yeah, Honoka-chan. I need to rest anyways so I won't be sick anymore."

After a very quick goodbye and a confused and somewhat angry glare from Claire, the two girls hung up.

Honoka began to clean up her plate while Claire continued to glare at her.

"So…what was that about?" Claire asked.

Honoka nervously chuckled again. "I…I don't know what you're talking about, Claire-san…"

"Why don't we talk a bit more about Umi?" Claire said, still prodding the girl with similar questions.

"Maybe…some other day."

"You'll have to tell me eventually, Honoka," Claire said.

"I will. Just…not today."

* * *

 _5 Weeks Before Graduation_

"Argh!" Honoka whined. Her balled-up fists, with one holding a pencil, lightly struck her head as she lightly slammed her head on the table. "Why is it this problem I have the most struggle with?! I'm almost done!"

"Complaining isn't going to get you anywhere, Honk," Claire said as she handed Honoka a cup of juice. "We're here to help."

"I don't want to be helped! I can do this myself!" Honoka said. "This algebra test is tomorrow. I should be getting this. It's been almost two months!" Honoka fell back and rested her head on a couch cushion.

"You're almost there, Honoka-chan!" Kotori cheered from the video chat. "You just have a few more steps! Claire-san, give her something if she finishes the question!"

Claire sighed. "I'll give her a pat on the head," she said sarcastically.

"I give up!" Honoka whined again.

"Claire-san! Be serious!" Kotori said to the woman.

"Hey, she isn't going to get a treat from finishing the test," Claire plainly said.

"Um…Just tell her to wait!" Kotori called to someone outside of her room. "Sorry, Honoka-chan. Umi-chan came so we can do our homework."

Honoka faintly smiled. "It's fine. I'll try and finish this work. Maybe Claire-san will give me a treat."

"I won't!" The woman said to the two girls. They both giggled as they said their goodbyes.

"Thanks again, Kotori-chan. For everything."

The ash-brunette smiled wide. "It's alright."

After they hung up, Honoka went straight back to the challenging question. With some (unwanted) help from Claire, she finished her review sheet.

"Alright, what's my reward?" Honoka asked. "Ow!"

She was lightly chopped on the head by Claire, who only sighed with a smile on her face. "I told you there was none. Unless practicing counts."

"Hmm, I guess it will do," Honoka said.

"But first, can I ask you something?" Claire said, her tone becoming more serious.

"What is it?"

"Can you explain why Umi can't talk with us three?"

Honoka took a deep breath. She did well in avoiding these questions, mostly because she always had something convenient to do when she was asked. Right now, she just finished her work and she could practice some other time. She didn't have any outs, and Claire probably knew that.

"Claire-san, can I ask you something first?" She said.

Claire face scrunched up into a questioning one, but she slowly nodded. "As long as you answer mine."

"I will." Honoka took a seat on the couch and Claire took the seat beside her. "For the songs I'm going to sing, do you have any that talk about heartbreak?"

"Heart…" Claire began to say but understood what Honoka was talking about soon after. "H-Honoka, I'm sorry…" The older woman said as she patted Honoka's head.

The orange-haired girl felt tears prickling her eyes, but she held them back and wiped them away. Seeing that made Claire feel even worse for her young client.

"It's okay," Honoka said. "You don't even know the entire story."

Claire moved over so she was right beside Honoka and gave her a hug. The girl felt surprised when she felt the sudden contact. However, it felt so comforting. So much so that she couldn't help but let her tears fall. Claire never released her hug from the crying girl until her cries quieted down.

"You don't have to tell me Honoka. Not until you're ready," Claire said. "I'm sorry I've been pressuring you. I've just been worried."

The girl shook her head. "I…I should have told you when we met first. I've been hiding it from so many people…The person I'm going to be living with for the next few years of my life should know."

After taking a deep breath, Honoka explained the entire story to Claire. The girls that she fell in love with. Letting them be with another person because she cared for their happiness more. Being sick of being around love. Her opportunity because of Claire. The main reason she wanted to take it. Why she hid the reason from nearly all of her friends.

So many tears. So much comforting. It was a talk that was bound to happen eventually. But just being able to pour her heart out to someone…

It felt good.

Honoka wouldn't feel comfortable with talking about this with her family (besides Yukiho). Just thinking about saying it to her mother felt awkward.

fBut with Claire, it felt different. Yes, she didn't know her for too long. But she was going to be living with her for a long while. And right now, Honoka didn't see Claire as her manager that was going to be living with her. She was a second mother. And, she was a friend.

Those feelings were reciprocated with Claire. She didn't see herself as a person who's trying to show she can be successful with a new talent. She saw herself as someone who can be relied on with personal feelings. A friend for Honoka.

She kept assuring Honoka that she wasn't alone and that she could talk about her feelings. And Honoka couldn't be happier.

Honoka calmed down after a couple more minutes of sobs. She snuggled up to Claire who was holding her tightly.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that, Honoka," Claire said.

The girl sniffled. "It's okay."

"You don't feel angry at any of them?"

"No," Honoka said as she shook her head. "It's not their fault that they fell for other people or wanted to be in love."

Claire simply nodded. "We don't have to practice today. You should get some rest. Your test is tomorrow."

Honoka smiled. "I should. Thanks for listening to me," she said.

Claire smiled as well. "I always will. I'm here for you."

* * *

 _Graduation Ceremony_

The cheers came down as the last of the graduates got their diplomas. Kotori and Umi looked around to see their friends celebrating their accomplishments. The former Muse second years were seated in the front row while the college girls were in the audience.

Rin stood and walked to the podium, an air of confidence surrounding her. She turned to the microphone and began to speak. "Hello, everyone! Let's congratulate the new graduates again!" She said, which caused a large wave of claps and cheers. After it died down, Rin began to speak again. "I am Hoshizora Rin, the new student council president. I would like to welcome the former student council president, as well as the valedictorian, to the stage to say her words for the new graduates. Sonoda Umi!"

The bluenette stood and walked to the podium with a chorus of cheers. Once Rin and Umi made eye contact, they bowed to each other. Then, Rin jumped and hugged the blue-haired girl. After the short congratulations from her friend, Umi began to prepare herself for her speech. After a deep breath, she began:

"Hello, everyone. It has been three short years here, but they have been the best of my life. When I started high school, I was with my…"

Umi stopped herself as she felt her voice betraying her. The audience looked on with concern, but they only knew that it was a graduation ceremony. They didn't think anything past "she is very emotional because she is leaving the school she loved." Kotori looked on with concern, as did the other girls from Muse. They knew why Umi was acting this way. She looked at the second years, who encouraged her to go up and comfort her. She swiftly did so, rushing to be by Umi's side.

"It's okay, Kotori," Umi said when she noticed her girlfriend coming up to the stage. She cleared her throat before continuing. "I was with my two best friends when I started high school. It was the most fun I could have; a new life with the friends I grew up with. But then, my second year started. It was when everything turned my life upside down. Ho-"

Umi took another sharp breath, stopping her speech once again. Before Kotori could try and help, Umi continued.

"Honoka…she started Muse to save our school. It was her crazy idea, but it worked. I made friendships that will…that will last a lifetime."

Umi sniffled when she finished that line. Just talking about friendships made her remember her relationship with Honoka. She tried her best to persevere.

"I…I got together with…my girlfriend," Umi kept saying through choked back sobs. "And…we graduated…together…"

It was the last straw. She was so excited to graduate with her friends. Both of her friends. Every time she reminded herself of Honoka, she get sadder and sadder. Those thoughts spilled into her speech and she fell apart. She didn't feel embarrassed that she cried in front of such a large crowd. Her heart was broken because she couldn't be with her two best friends.

"It's okay, Umi-chan," Kotori said in a whisper once she began to comfort Umi.

Rin quickly came to the podium to cover up for Umi. She felt very sorry for Umi in more ways than one. "Umi-chan is feeling very emotional right now. Can we get a round of applause for her efforts throughout her three years here!"

The sounds of claps rung around the gym, maybe out of pity or admiration. But, Umi didn't care for any of it. She just wanted the comfort of her friends. But most of all, the one she missed so much.

* * *

 _3 Years After_

"I'm…feeling really nervous, Kotori-chan," Honoka said to her friend over video chat.

"You can do it, Honoka-chan! All of your fans will love you!" Kotori said positively. "You worked so hard for this!"

Honoka smiled. "I did…I did…" She took a deep breath and exhaled, the nerves not quite leaving her mind.

"Just remember that they'll support you, and Claire-san and I will too!" Kotori said.

"I will," Honoka replied. "Thanks."

Honoka hung up and began to pace in the back of the stage. It was filled with busy people moving objects to prepare for the upcoming show.

Claire noticed the pacing Honoka and walked up to her. "You feel nervous, Honk?"

Honoka nervously chuckled. "I guess…"

"Do you remember the lyrics? Dance moves? Are you missing anything?" Claire asked.

"Nope," Honoka replied in a small voice.

She felt Claire's arms wrap around her, and she returned the hug back.

"You'll do great," Claire said. "Everyone will love it."

The physical assurance was what Honoka needed to gain some of her missing confidence.

"I hope so."

"Honoka, we need you on stage," someone said. The two released their hug as Claire put on a big smile. The orange-haired girl smiled back as she began to walk to the microphone on the center stage.

The curtains came up and a deafening sound of cheers were heard. The bright lights came on and the guitar riff started up.

"Hello everyone! I am Honoka Kousaka!"

* * *

 _2 Years Later_

Nico got back from her job and felt that she deserved to watch some television. After she greeted Maki with a kiss, she plopped herself on the couch.

As she scrolled through the channels, she saw the music channel. With a piqued curiosity, she watched the first commercial play. The emcee seemed very excited about some event that was happening.

"And for the first time, we are going to be able to see the rising Japanese star in her hometown of Japan!"

 _Pfft,_ Nico scoffed internally. _What could be this rising star? Another idol group?_

"She left Japan about 5 years ago and travelled all the way to America! She is going to be holding a Japan-wide tour for the next year and a half."

 _Whatever._ Nico began to push the button to change the chan-

"A former member of the most popular school idol group, Muse!"

"Huh?" Nico said aloud.

Maki began to walk over to the television. "What is it, Ni-"

"Kousaka Honoka!"

A video showed up of Honoka's most recent live tour. Maki and Nico only stared as they watched their 'friend' dance and sing to a sea of adoring fans.

"Honoka?" Maki said at the tv, a bit angry and surprised.

"Hey, Maki," Nico said. The red-head turned her head to her girlfriend. "Think you can get us eight passes with backstage access?"

"…I'll see what I can do."

* * *

 **A/N: Here it is! I hope you liked it; we finally see Honoka in America.**

 **This did take some time with everything going on. Schoolwork sucks, but I have to do it.**

 **Not much else to say for this. I feel like I could have done better, but that's how I always feel about my writing. Not going to ramble for too long anyways. You probably know the drill by now. I don't know when the next chapter will be coming, but just know that we are reaching the homestretch. Probably 2-3 chapters remaining (most likely 2). I'll try my best, but I'm not going to promise you guys a date.**

 **If you liked the chapter and the story, favourite/follow! And as always, reviews are very welcome. Be it praise or criticism, let me have it.**

 **Thanks for Reading!**


	7. Confrontation

**Quick A/N: FFN doesn't have the line break thing again (sigh). So, larger time skips will show up as the line break below. Other ones with be ellipses (**... **)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Please welcome my special guest, Honoka Kousaka!" The talk show host said to his audience.

The orange-haired girl came to a chorus of cheers and claps while she waved at the audience. After shaking hands with the host, she took a seat and waited for the interview to start.

"How are you, Honoka?" The host asked.

She politely smiled. "I feel great, Andrew. It's the first time I've been on this show."

"No need to remind me," Andrew said with a chuckle. "We've been trying to get you on this show for a while now. While all of the bigger guys get an opportunity, you leave me out to dry for two years."

"Blame my manager for that one," Honoka joked, sensing the joking nature of the man. She earned a laugh from Andrew.

"That one's a classic. But, I would probably agree," Andrew said. "I have a feeling you've covered a lot of the questions with other hosts, but I'll ask anyways. You may be huge right now, but maybe some people in the audience don't know who you are. So, how long have you been in America for?"

Honoka put a finger to her chin. "Hmm, I think nearly six years. I haven't really noticed that I've been in America for so long."

"I see. I see that your English is very good. I know you were born and raised in Japan, so was it a struggle for you to learn English?"

"At first, although I was a bit of a numbskull in school," Honoka said, getting laughs from everyone. "My English was fine when I got here, but it only got better when I started school here."

Andrew nodded. "Yeah, I can see that. I know I've read that you moved here during your last year of high school. And you didn't even have family here. What's up with that?"

Honoka lightly chuckled. "I'm not too comfortable with specifics. I'd like to keep that to myself, if that's okay." She got a thumbs up from the host, so she continued. "Besides that, my manager was actually scouting in Japan. She noticed me because of my days as a school idol and asked if I wanted to take it. And now, about six years later, here I am."

"Such a simple story. 'I was in Japan, and now I'm here.' It's nice. Speaking of Japan, I understand that your next tour is going to be there? Anything special happening?"

Honoka nodded. "It will be my fourth tour. I've been singing purely English songs, so I'm going to have some Japanese songs to sing as well. Hopefully, people coming from all over the world will love both my Japanese and English songs and covers."

"I'm sure they will," Andrew said. "They knew that you are Japanese. So, it would only make sense. What places are you going to for the tour?"

"We're going to the main places you think about when in Japan. Saitama, Kobe, Nagoya, and the last performance will be in Akihabara."

"Going grand. I like it," Andrew said. "Anything after that? Do you have a fifth live planned already?"

Honoka lightly laughed. "That would be thinking ahead. After talking with my manager and the company, I'm most likely going to be staying in Japan for quite a while. Maybe even stay there for the rest of my career. I'll come back from time-to-time, that's for sure."

"Aww, leaving us so soon?" He joked.

Honoka laughed. "I know. Being in America was life changing for me. I've only gone once before this with my friends, and it was as fun now as it was then. But, I really miss being in Japan. It will be nice to see my family in person again."

"I get ya," Andrew said. "What about your friends? Aren't you going to meet up with them too? Will we see a Muse reunion?"

Honoka had a disheartened smile form. "No promises on the reunion. But, I will meet them. Let's just say that I made a promise to do so."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _2 Months Later_

Honoka was nudged from her sleep. Shaking herself to be somewhat awake, she turned to Claire who giggled at her. "What's so funny?"

"You're drooling," Claire said. Honoka embarrassedly wiped her mouth while Claire continued to giggle at her. "And we're here now."

Honoka perked up when she heard those words. Looking outside the window, she saw the glorious look of the Haneda airstrip.

"Home," Honoka said, smiling.

The two got off the private plane, collected their luggage, and began to go to their car. Honoka needed to pull out the 'Nico trick,' but to a lesser degree. She had an excuse to wear a hoodie since it was cold (but not winter cold). She untied her hair from the typical side ponytail and let her hair rest on her shoulders. The sunglasses were the finishing touch to make sure she was not too noticeable. Instead of having a chauffeur drive the two around, Claire was going to drive them around until the tour began.

For their first day back, they had a very basic plan.

…

 _ **KNOCK!**_

Opening the door, Yukiho saw the person who she missed for far too long.

"Onee-chan!" The girl said as she leapt into Honoka's arms for a big hug. Both had tears running from their eyes as they hugged each other tight. "I missed you…so much…"

"So did I," Honoka said with a trembling voice. "Home, sweet home."

Their parents came rushing to the door when they heard Yukiho exclaim. Their faces brightened up when they saw their oldest daughter.

"Honoka!" Her mother brought the two girls into the store and gave her eldest daughter a hug, with Honoka's father joining soon after. "I'm so happy you're safe."

"I'm happy I'm back," Honoka said.

"I am too," Claire said in a bit of pain. "Don't want to be rude, but could I get some help?"

…

The two settled in and got ready for their planned dinner with the Minami family. After five long years, Honoka and Kotori were back again as best friends and they couldn't be happier. The dinner was lively, with stories coming from both Honoka and the others causing laughs and smiles.

They were excited for Honoka's tours, which were fast approaching.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Maki (barely) managed to get eight tickets for Honoka's final concert in Akihabara. She needed some financial help from Eli and Nozomi. Even though her family was rich, she didn't want to blow that much on it. With the backstage passes, it was a hefty amount, so she was definitely not paying for all of it.

They managed to get decent seats for the concert, with a clear but somewhat far view of the stage.

"You couldn't get some better seats?" Nico said to her girlfriend as she was trying to get her seating right.

"Don't you have a lot of reserve money after your years of being an idol?" Maki snapped back.

"She's got you there, Nico-chi," Nozomi said. "You were an idol for two years before quitting."

"And also," Rin continued, "You quit so you could be all lovey-dovey with Maki-chan!"

The two in question blushed and looked down at the floor. They mumbled something quietly, but everyone laughed at them.

"Are we all ready to watch Honoka-chan perform?" Kotori asked nervously. She knew that despite it being more than five years since Honoka left, they were still holding a grudge against the performer. Although, some of the girls were more willing to let it slide.

"I'm more nervous about meeting her after the show, but I have to say I'm a bit excited," Eli confessed. "It's been so long since any of us were 'popular,' so it's amazing to see all of the fans here for Honoka."

Hanayo nodded. "I feel the same. I haven't listened to any of Honoka-chan's songs other than what I've heard from the radio. It looks like she used her time away wisely." Rin nodded in agreeance.

The ash-brunette wasn't going to pester the silent ones. She understood that they all had a similar feeling of betrayal since Honoka left without a trace.

The lights began to dim in the arena as the curtains were opening. When the spotlight shone on stage, Honoka was in the middle of it.

"Hello everyone! Kousaka Honoka here! I hope you enjoy the show!"

The arena erupted with cheers, which caught all eight girls off guard. They knew Honoka was popular, but to this extent?

The opening riff of the guitar was played as the arena began to quiet down. The lights flashed as a drum was hit, and the stage illuminated with Honoka and the backing band.

It was more of a shift to pop-rock with a little more pop influence, as the girls heard. Kotori was already privy to Honoka's style as she was able to listen to a couple of songs during Honoka' practicing. However, hearing it live was blowing her and the others away.

Once Honoka began to sing, the girls were floored. They knew that Honoka had a good voice while they were in Muse. However, this was a completely different girl to them. Her voice perfectly fit the style of her songs, being around the high-mid range to compliment the softer rock tones of the songs. However, they all knew that she was destined to be on the stage. She was the center of Muse but seeing her perform right now showed that she **deserved** it.

Midway through the concert, Honoka sat down for a lengthier time than her usual breaks. She looked somewhat tired, but the girls saw that she was still the same ball of energy they knew she always was.

"How is everyone enjoying the concert?" Honoka asked the audience, which received a loud chorus of cheers. She smiled. "I'm glad you like it." She talked about her time in America and how it was life changing for her. The eight girls knew that it changed their life as well, but they knew they would get their answers soon. After about 30 minutes so rest, Honoka began to prepare herself for the next song.

"Now, I guess you all know that I was a part of Muse," she said with a chuckle. The crowd cheered loudly. She laughed lightly. "Alright. We're not planning a reunion anytime soon. Just wanted you guys to know. I always change up a lot of the songs I perform for my concerts to make it more unique for everyone. However, there is one song that I always sing and will never leave the rotation. It's a song about heartbreak, which is something I've been through."

The crowd collectively felt sympathy for her. And while the majority of the girls felt that same sympathy (assuming it was a love she found while in America), there was one girl that knew what she truly meant.

"Don't worry about it that much. I've gotten over it, and I've forgiven the people that made it happen. But, it doesn't mean I don't like the song any less. Because I've actually experienced it, it makes it resonate with me more. I love it more and more every time I sing or listen to it. And, it was a Muse song. So, here it is. Please enjoy 'Love Marginal'."

The lights on the stage dimmed to a pale blue as the familiar song began to play. As she began to sing, Kotori took a deep breath. _Oh god…_ She thought. She remembered the lyrics for the song, but she didn't know that it would be in this way she would hear it again. She didn't want to cry, but she was struggling.

It past the first verse and Honoka began to sing the chorus:

 _~I wish that I could become crystal clear  
~As I stand in front of you as your friend  
~This throbbing in my chest that can't be kept hidden  
~I don't want anyone to notice it  
~Return the person I was, with her heart on her sleeve  
~Even though we're friends, I'm in love with you  
`I can't hide it anymore, I can't forget about it  
~With this secret locked within me, I leaned against the window_

It didn't take long for Kotori to cry. But now, understanding Honoka's story made her see how these lyrics were able to connect with her best friend.

 _Why didn't you let us know, Honoka-chan? I don't know if it would have changed anything, but it could have. You didn't have to go through that alone. How could you tell me to ignore it when I know you sing this all the time?_

"Kotori? What's wrong?" Umi said, concerned of the tears flowing from her girlfriend's face.

The ash-brunette didn't do anything to stop it, though. She just let them fall. "She just…I feel bad for her."

Umi flashed a small smile. "Even with what she did, I do too. It sucks that Honoka had to go through that." She placed her hand atop of Kotori's and leaned into her girlfriend's arm.

 _It sucks that we were the ones who caused it_ , Kotori thought to herself as she leaned her head on Umi's.

…

"It was great performing in Japan! And I'm happy that I get to stay here now!" Honoka said as her departing words to her fans. The loud cheers were quieted as Honoka got further away from the stage. She breathed heavily as she nursed a bottle of water. She felt her face being patted down by a hand towel and smiled. "Fourth tour finished," she said out of breath.

"It went by in a flash," Claire replied. "Most of your songs you sang were in English. You excited to sing in both English and Japanese?"

Honoka tiredly nodded. "How could I not be?"

Claire smiled. "We have some fans with backstage passes. Are you ready to meet them?"

"Yup!"

The two began to walk to the meeting room, which was right beside her dressing room. Claire opened the door first with Honoka following behind. However, Honoka collided into Claire.

"Ow!" Honoka cried out. "Claire-san, why did you stop moving?" When the girl looked at her senior, she was stood still in the doorframe.

"You…have some friends," Claire replied flatly.

Honoka looked at the back of her senior confused. She leaned to the side and saw eight very familiar girls. She hid behind Claire's back, even with how pointless it was to do so. She pulled Claire out of the room, who closed the door as she moved.

"Honoka?"

"Can you tell them to wait in the dressing room?" Honoka asked. "I know that there are other people there. Just…don't want to make it awkward."

Claire petted Honoka's head. "You still scared?" The star could only nod silently. "I understand."

Claire opened the door to see the other fans talking with some of the members of the former Muse. However, Umi was the first one to react and quickly stand, however deflated as soon as she saw the older woman.

"You girls," Claire said, motioning to Honoka's friends. "Please follow me, Honoka will meet you shortly."

She saw the bluenette try to retort but was stopped by her girlfriend.

"Alright," Eli responded. She motioned to the other girls to finish up with their conversation before they left.

Honoka watched as her friends passed by her to the dressing room. It wasn't surprising that she saw so many varying emotions on her friends' faces. She expected the looks of disappointment and sadness on the faces like Nico, Maki, and Umi. However, she didn't expect to see a similar expression on Nozomi's. However, she always remembered that the spiritual one held friendships closely because of her lonely past; thus, she would feel some sort of pained emotion when dealing with Honoka. She smiled when she saw the other four girls smile at her, knowing that she had some sort of support. Yes, they probably don't look at Honoka's action too fondly, but it shows that they are willing to forgive more.

She put those thoughts in the back of her mind for now. She would remember them when she talked with her friends. Right now, she had some fans to meet.

…

After roughly an hour, Honoka finished her talk with her fans and waved them goodbye. She made sure that the fans avoided her dressing room. She was asked about her Muse friends being there, and she told them that they were visiting. None of the deeper details needed to be brought up.

She approached the room but heard some loud voices from it. Opening the door, she heard Umi's voice in obvious distress.

"How could you do this to me, Kotori?!" Umi said with a loud, cracked voice.

Honoka looked inside to see the scene. Kotori was sitting behind Claire, who was standing in front of her. Umi's eyes watering, her sharp glare now focused on the orange-haired girl who walked in the room. Their friends watching with various expressions.

"It's not her fault, Umi-chan," Honoka said as she closed the door.

"Yeah, it's not just **her** fault," Umi angrily snarled. She stomped over to Honoka and grabbed her by the collar to the gasps of everyone. "How could you do this to me?! TO US?!"

Honoka felt the cool door against her back. She took a deep breath and sniffled. Bracing herself for the worst, she said: "I did what was good for all of us."

Umi snarled, but she was stopped before doing anything. Honoka saw the youngest of their group pushing her blue-haired best friend away.

"Umi-chan, stop!" Rin said.

Both Honoka and Rin expected some sort of protest from Umi. However, the bluenette began to grab her things to leave.

"Umi-chan…" Kotori said, shakily grasping for her girlfriend's wrist. However, Umi quickly pulled her arm away. The ash-brunette was faced with Umi's cold glare and shrunk. She trembled from being under Umi's scrutiny, and she knew that she couldn't do anything about it. When the bluenette turned away, Kotori felt herself being wrapped in a hug. Looking beside her, she saw Claire with a comforting smile. She rested her head against Claire's body and let her cries out.

The bluenette stomped past Rin and Honoka to the door, giving the same cold glare to the latter.

"Umi-"

 _ **SLAM!**_

Honoka flinched when she heard the door slam. Looking at her friends, they all looked distraught. She took a seat by her sobbing friend, who leaned into Honoka and cried on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Kotori-chan," she whispered to her best friend. "I'll fix it." Honoka felt her friend snuggle up to her more and heard her sob just a bit harder.

"So, are you gonna say anything?" Nico said angrily. "Disappear for five years, and you welcome us back with breaking up a couple?"

Maki lightly hit her girlfriend but was also hoping that Honoka would explain herself.

"Oh, yeah. Because my intention was to make my friends hate each other. Great words, Nico," Honoka sarcastically said, irritating the black-haired girl more.

Eli walked over and took one of Honoka's hands. "Ignore her for now, Honoka. But…we would like to know why you left us."

Honoka smiled at Eli's kindness. "Yeah. I promised Yukiho-chan and Kotori-chan that I would explain everything…I don't know if you guys would like the truth."

"It can't be that bad. Right?" Hanayo innocently asked.

Honoka grimly smiled. "Just promise me one thing. All of you. Do not feel guilty when I'm done. None of it was your faults."

The former Muses looked at each other with concern. _What does that mean?_

"Yes, I left without a word. I expected everyone's reactions to be…less than satisfied. I could only trust a select few with why I left, and no one took the news well.

"Do you remember what I said before I performed Love Marginal?"

"You've experienced heartbreak before, and that song relates to how you felt then," Nozomi said, her spiritual and knowledgeable self showing.

Honoka nodded. "That heartbreak was something that I experienced during high school."

"Wait…what?" Maki said surprised. She wasn't the only person feeling this way, as everyone looked at the star shocked.

"I fell in love with Kotori-chan, which I've told her already," Honoka said. "I let her be with Umi-chan. I wanted Kotori-chan to be happy."

Only Claire and Kotori didn't react, already knowing the story. However, the rest of them looked at Honoka again with a stunned expression.

"And I fell in love with Eli-chan," Honoka added.

"M-Me?" The blonde stuttered out.

Honoka nodded again. "I thought I had a chance with you, but I don't know how I couldn't see how much you and Nozomi-chan loved each other. I let you go too."

The purple-haired girl noticed her wife trembling, so she put a hand over Eli's. "She…Honoka-chan said to not…feel guilty," Nozomi struggled to say. She only received a nod.

"I'm sorry, but it's like Nozomi-chan said. I'm over it now. There no way I could have gotten you, Eli-chan. And maybe, it was for the better," Honoka said to her blonde friend.

"What about us?" Maki asked. "D-Did you fall in love with us too?"

The girl shook her head. "No, nothing like that. For you four, I always knew that you would end up with the person you were with now. It's just that…I hated being around it."

The brutal honesty made the other four girls cringe. Even with Maki and especially Nico, who didn't look at their friend too fondly, they felt the regret as soon as the words left Honoka's mouth.

"I hated that I was alone. All of those times you invited me out with three people…I didn't feel like I belonged." Honoka faintly smiled at the bitter memories. "Even with how much you wanted to include me, it didn't feel right. The subtle displays of affection, the way that the conversation gravitated to the couple…all I thought was, 'Why am I here?'"

"We…" Rin began to speak but was struggling to find the words. "We're sor-"

"Like I said, you don't have to be sorry," Honoka said, interrupting her friend. "I know why you guys did it. You had good intentions. It's just that those intentions didn't translate well enough to me.

"I could say that the people to blame are you guys. I've thought about that before. I thought that you guys would see how uncomfortable I was and would change.

"But you can't change without communicating. I held these feelings for two years. And I didn't let anyone know. And instead of being upfront with it, I ran away. Yes, it's been some of the best years of my life. But I know it was missing something. I had the comfort of my family and Kotori-chan. But it didn't feel complete.

"I'm not expecting anything. But, I'm going to be living here for the rest of my career. I won't disappear on you guys again. All I want to say is that I'm sorry for putting you guys through all of this. Me leaving, all of this information being dumped onto you…everything. I'm not going to run away. All I want is for us to start over. To be friends again, and to not hide my feelings away."

After she finished her final thoughts, she felt Kotori's arms wrap around her just a bit tighter. "I'll always be your friend, Honoka-chan. Your best friend," the ash-brunette said.

"I can't speak for them," Rin spoke up, "but I can forgive you, Honoka-chan. The responsibility of being the student council president was intimidating, especially with you leaving. But, I think that was what pushed me harder. Knowing that I had to be a good representation of the school without the person I looked up to the most was challenging but rewarding." The girl stretched out a hand to Honoka. "Thank you."

Honoka graciously accepted the handshake and was given a small hug.

Everyone got their words in to Honoka.

"I want to thank you for helping us be a better couple," Hanayo said.

"I never meant to take her away, but thank you for being honest with us," Nozomi said.

"I want to make it right, because I don't feel good about it," Maki said with a ton of regret.

"I'm sorry for being such a prude. It's just that…I missed you, " Nico said.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way, Honoka. I regret it immensely, even if you say not to. But, I'm proud to say that I'm happy for you. And I want to thank you for being so selfless," Eli finally said.

The eight girls gave a group hug, one that was sorely missed because of their missing friend. However, there was one last person that was missing.

"You didn't mention anything about Umi," Eli said. "What did you feel for her?"

Honoka faintly smiled again. "Love. I'll talk to her soon. She's the person that I feel the most sorry for."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **A/N: FINALLY! I've had this on the burner for some time and all I needed was that push. Have to say that I'm pretty happy with how the chapter turned out, but I guess that's more up to you guys.**

 **You may have noticed that the time skips were not quite addressed, I assume. In particular, the futures of the Muse girls. Despite the lazy way I am going to address it in the next and final (yes, final!) chapter of this story, it will be addressed. (Also, I have to say that the small paragraph addressing the Kousaka and Minami families getting together for dinner is completely lazy. I really wanted to get this chapter out before my hell of assignments, but I have to admit that it was the last thing I wrote besides the note here. Just letting you know).**

 **Again, I'm thanking** Mr. Orange freshly squeezed **for the idea of the interview. It gave a bit of backstory about Honoka's life as a superstar, and I didn't want to focus an entire chapter just for her antics. I hope that it is sufficient, but if it isn't let me know what else you would like to know. Either I'll find a way to incorporate it into the final chapter or I'll have an A/N at the beginning or end next chapter talking about JUST Honoka.**

 **Besides that, not much else to say. Like I said, the final chapter is coming, with most likely an epilogue. If you liked this chapter and are anticipating the next one, follow/favourite the story. And please, give your reviews!**

 **Thanks for Reading!**


	8. Reaching a Semi-Understanding

Utilizing her rarely used vacations, Umi was resting on her bed for the umpteenth time. She's been on a constant cycle for the past three days, which consisted of eating store-bought food out of laziness, sleeping, and worrying about Kotori's safety.

Ever since Honoka's concert, she has been alone in her apartment that she shared with her girlfriend. The way she acted that time gave reason as to why Kotori did not come back to the apartment, but she was still concerned about her. She was given a small message from her girlfriend which said that she was staying at her mother's house, which gave Umi a small breath of relief.

Her state of mind was a mess ever since the concert, but she could only think of one thing that caused her mind to be so out of control: Honoka.

She was only mad at Kotori because **Honoka** made her girlfriend keep her presence a secret. It was **Honoka's** fault that she couldn't enjoy her last year of high school. **Honoka's** selfish action made all of her friends suffer. It felt like they lost a part of their family, but it felt wrong for **Honoka** to just suddenly be in their life again.

She wanted to love her friend as she always did. But this…it felt like they were too far apart. She didn't feel like considering Honoka as a friend anymore.

Not after this.

 _ **KNOCK! KNOCK!**_

Umi was getting up from her third nap of the day when she heard the sounds at her door. She wasn't dressed up to confront the person at the door since she was only in her underwear. Instead of trying to look decent, she just decided to put on one of Kotori's larger shirts to cover up. She walked groggily to the door and opened it.

And seeing the person in the door made her tired self feel much more alive. And angry.

"Umi-"

 _ **SLAM!**_

Not wanting to hear the excuses, Umi quickly slammed the door in her former friend's face. Fuming, she began to stomp away to let off some steam. However, she received a text message. Hoping it was Kotori saying something after the days of nothing, she felt even worse when she saw a new number that she hadn't seen before.

XXX:  
 _Would it be bad if I got some attention?  
A famous person is standing outside your door_

Umi gritted her teeth at thesnarky comment and stomped back to the door. She opened it to see the smug face of Honoka.

"Hi, Umi- Woah!"

Umi grabbed the woman's arm and forcibly pulled her into the apartment, with Honoka landing with a thud onto the hardwood floor.

"Ow!" Honoka groaned in pain.

"What do you want?" Umi quickly and angrily said.

"I…just want to talk," Honoka plainly said.

"Oh yeah. Talking 'as friends,' I guess? Do you still see us like that after all of this?" Umi hissed.

"I…I do…"

"Of course you do. Your optimistic mind really does things to you, huh?" Umi's mind was struggling to keep up her cold demeanor, since she felt worse and worse after everything she was saying to her (former) friend. It was amplified as she saw how Honoka was just taking the verbal spats without much resistance. But, she had to keep her emotions in check. Despite wanting to be kind to Honoka, Umi could only remember the bad things that involved the orange-haired woman. "Fine," Umi sighed. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Hmm," Honoka innocently hummed, as if she wasn't being talked down to. "Just about what everyone's done for the past couple of years."

Umi raised her eyebrow at that. "So, I'll get to know what the hell happened during our third-"

"Not yet," Honoka said, interrupting Umi.

Umi's glare sharpened. "Why not? Don't I get to know-"

"Please?" Honoka mercifully said. Umi's bitter tone lessened when she saw the pain on Honoka's face and the tears beginning to flow. It was something that Honoka didn't want to deal with yet, and Umi made peace with that.

"Alright then." Umi motioned Honoka over to sit at the dining table. "Let me just get some refreshments and we'll talk. But…I'll get to know why you left, right?"

Honoka put up a small smile. "Promise."

As Honoka hummed quietly to herself, Umi started to prepare the refreshments. She had some melon bread from yesterday that was still packaged, so she placed some on the tray. She also had the coffee brewing, which was just about finished.

"How do you take coffee?" Umi asked.

"Black, please," Honoka responded.

Umi looked at Honoka questioningly. "I don't know if this is the Honoka I know."

"Aren't you going to spit in the coffee or something?" Honoka said. "You hate me, right? With…everything that's happened?"

 _Of course she was affected by the way I treated her._ Umi thought to herself regrettably. Honoka wasn't wrong, but Umi's feelings knew that she couldn't cast away her long-time friend just like that. "No, I won't. Yeah, I don't feel great about you being here. But…there's the other half of me that knows I can't outright hate you. We've been friends for so long, and I can't forget that."

Honoka smiled again. "Yeah…I get it. I'm glad to hear that I could still be a friend."

Umi smiled back. "I guess I do too. Sorry for looking like…" Umi motioned around her body, "…this. I didn't expect any company."

"It's alright. I've seen worse," Honoka politely said.

Umi smiled. "So, who'd you want to start with first?"

Honoka took a bit before she began to speak. "I already have a general idea about what everyone is doing…How about Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan? They're doing something with dance, right?"

Umi took a sip of her coffee as she nodded. "I guess you could say that. Eli and Nozomi opened up a ballet school. Once they opened the place, there were a ton of applicants because of our past fame." Umi chuckled. "I remember when I came to the place the first time. Nearly all of them were dead tired while Eli had her strict mode on."

Honoka laughed along. "That does sound like something Eli-chan would do. What was Nozomi-chan doing?"

"She was essentially the girls' second mother. I know, what a surprise," Umi said as the two lightly laughed. "She would have to control Eli so she didn't go overboard with her teaching. She'd pull aside the ones who were struggling and helped them out. And when they had competitions, she was the one who handled that congratulatory party. Those two were made to compliment each other."

Honoka nodded. "They're married, right?"

"Engaged," Umi corrected her. Honoka's eyes widened. "I know, right? Eli was just too worried about risking their friendship. Once I, Maki, and Nico talked some sense into her, she finally proposed this year. That girl…"

"You're not one to talk, Umi-chan. Do you still blush when kiss-"

"So, who do you want to know about next?" Umi said, obvious blush not going away.

Honoka laughed at how flustered Umi was. It was so long since she's seen that side of her…acquaintance. _Yeah…just someone I know…_

"Is something wrong?" Umi asked with some concern. "You quickly became sad after you laughed."

"Ah, sorry," Honoka said. She had a feeling that her expression changed, so it was concerning to know Umi saw it as well. "I was just thinking about who to talk about next. Maybe Rin-chan and Hanayo-chan."

Umi smiled. "Those two are just so…precious. Hanayo applied for an internship after she finished high school for an entertainment show. After a year, she was given a paid position and quickly became a host of an idol talk show. With her money, she proposed to Rin who is still working her way through college to become a teacher."

"That's right!" Honoka said. "It was a nice story to hear from them. I know that Nico-chan was on Hanayo-chan's show before. So, Nico-chan had her dream come true then?"

"Yeah, it did," Umi said as she took another sip of the coffee. "You and Nico had…similar paths, if I were to say. Both of you got big when you left, I guess. After Nico's first year of college, she was picked up by an idol agency. She quickly got into her work and focused her time on studying and being an idol. And she was successful as she could be, which was very."

Honoka nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, I congratulated Nico for having such a successful career. But, didn't she stop or something?"

Umi's neutral expression changed into a bitter looking one, which Honoka picked up on quickly. "Yeah…retired after four years of doing it, even with everything looking even bigger for her. Happy that she's been given jobs because of Hanayo's line of work, but still…"

"That must suck," Honoka said. "Why did she quit?" The bitter look turned even more sour on Umi's face, which was worrying Honoka.

"Maki's still in university, and she's doing very well."

"Maki-chan? What about Nico-"

"She's got a position in her parent's hospital when she finishes medical school. Right now, she's just staying with Nico."

"Okay, but-"

"I always had to see her suffer."

Honoka went back to retort but stopped when she heard those words. Her irritation quickly dissipated and changed to an uncomfortable interest.

"When your girlfriend is both in school and in a hectic job, you don't get much time to hang out. Because of Nico's job, if they did hang out they could be ambushed by paparazzi at anytime. I made sure to go to their apartment everyday to help Maki. And when I did, she always had the same lonely look. The same tired and longing eyes.

"Nico saw it too. She never wanted to feel like she neglected her girlfriend. But seeing Maki, she knew. She announced her retirement on a talk show. When Maki and I saw that…I saw the bittersweet look in her eyes. In both of their eyes. They settled in Nico's apartment after her final show, and they've been happy ever since."

Honoka wanted to say something, but her mouth felt too dry to speak. She knew that Nico retired after a couple years of being an idol at a comfortable place in her entertainment career. But hearing this side of the story…

"I told you that you and Nico took similar paths. The difference is that Nico could see the pain she was bringing."

"U-Umi-chan…"

"Could you just leave? I…really don't want to deal with you right now," Umi said coldly.

"What?" Honoka said, surprised with how quickly the conversation changed. "Don't you want to hear why I left?"

"Probably won't make me feel better, so no."

"You aren't being fair, Umi-chan!" Honoka said.

"Do you think **you** were fair when you left, Honoka?!" Umi quietly yelled. "Just leaving without a notice? I felt like Maki when you left. Did you think I could manage without you here? Just barely! Kotori never had to feel like she didn't have her two best friends, but I did!" Umi wiped her tears as she choked back her sobs. "You didn't even think about how I felt before you left, did you?!"

Honoka's irritation bubbled back up and grew even more. "Of course I thought about you! All of you! You guys were the reason I left!"

Umi's eyes narrowed with skepticism. "Oh really? Fine, let's hear your reason, huh?"

"I left because I felt lonely."

Umi's body tensed up after hearing that. To hear such an excuse was insulting. "Funny. After I said all that, you have the nerve to give **that** excuse? Just like I thought, **definitely** didn't make me feel better."

Honoka sighed. _Of course…she wouldn't believe me…_ She reached into her bag and pulled out the thing she knew she would need. Honoka threw it on the table before she began to walk to the door.

"Now you're going to leave," Umi said exasperatedly. "And you left a book? This isn't a dump."

Honoka sighed. "Right now, it feels like it. Just keep it."

"And what is 'it,' exactly?" Umi asked. "More garbage that you use an as excuse?"

"My diary."

Umi looked at the book again, with more of a curious eye this time. Picking it up hesitantly, she examined the outside of it. _This book is familiar…_

Honoka was getting ready to leave but decided that this was her last chance to show her feelings to the girl that she still considered as a best friend. "If you think that everything I said here was garbage, read that book."

"I…I can't…" Umi said.

"What? Finally fell off your high horse?" Honoka said. "Everything that I said was what I wrote down when I was in high school. I'm not afraid of someone reading my true feelings. That's all in the past. What I care about is trying to build my relationships back…even if everything is all messed up."

Umi gulped with nervousness. "So…I should…"

"Sit down and read," Honoka said sternly. "I'll mark the pages you read, and I'll show you that nothing I said was garbage."

Umi timidly nodded and took a seat at the dining table. Beside her, Honoka flipped through the pages of her diary and marked each page by making a fold in the sheet.

"Here," Honoka said after folding the last sheet. "Read it."

"Umi took the book and opened it to the first page that was creased. Right away, she skimmed through the page and took in the words. And it astonished her.

 _I…Was I really the first person Honoka fell for?_

After the first page, she went to the next one. And the next one. _Falling for Kotori…and Eli?_

The next pages had entries about the others. And to her semi-surprise, nothing Honoka said was a lie. Talking about her loneliness because of being around everyone. How she was sick of being the only one not having someone to love. And what hit Umi most of all: how Honoka's heart was broken by all of her friends. Either through them not returning her love or the way that she couldn't feel the same amount of love any of the members had for each other.

"You get to cry from reading my diary?" Honoka said half-jokingly and bitterly.

Umi didn't realize her tears were falling, so she quickly wiped her eyes with her arm.

"There's a girl that misses you, and I know you miss her too. Just for now…let's put this aside and get to her."

Umi nodded as she felt herself be lifted from the chair and into her room.

"Change. And we'll see Kotori."

* * *

Pulling up to Kotori's old home, the air between Honoka and Umi was tense. The rush of emotions coming from the diary along with the strained relationship the three childhood friends was something that couldn't be ignored for so long.

"Honoka, just drive a bit further. Just so Kotori can't see us," Umi timidly asked. Honoka was going to oppose, but she saw how vulnerable her friend looked.

After going past the home and finding a place to park, Honoka turned off the engine and looked to her passenger.

"What's wrong, Umi?" Honoka asked, half-knowing what could be brought up and somewhat afraid of what could be suddenly said.

"Can we just be so…civil? After what we just went through?" Umi said emotionlessly, albeit with tears running down her face. "All of this aching…just because no one could be honest."

Honoka took one of Umi's hands and squeezed it tight. "It's…hard, yeah. Neither of us felt strong, even though we looked like it. Both of us were prideful, and yet we didn't know the half of it.

"It took me a while, but I felt better after I did one thing."

Umi looked at her friend with hopeful eyes. "W-What?"

Honoka gave a warm smile. "I forgave everyone. No one knew I did, but they didn't have to. As long as I could understand that I had no ill will towards anyone, my mind was at peace. No one did anything wrong; maybe I was the one who wronged everyone else."

Umi squeezed Honoka's hand as well after hearing that. "Yeah," Umi said with a dry chuckle. "Maybe it is. But…everyone else came to terms with it. I just need to as well."

"You don't need to do it right away," Honoka said. Umi looked at her with a slightly confused face. "I saw that it hurt you the most. I get it. It may take some time to forgive. But…I can only hope that you will eventually.

"All I care about right now is you and Kotori being together again," Honoka said with a tired voice. "I hope you can do that, at least." She couldn't react quick enough when she felt a pair of arms around her neck.

"It'll take some time," Umi said. "But I think I can forgive you each day. I just feel…so happy that I get to see you again. And…not when we're at each other's throats."

Honoka returned that hug. "Yeah," she said happily.

After the heartfelt talk, Honoka drove the two of them closer to Kotori's place. With some reluctance from Umi and some encouragement from Honoka, the bluenette slowly walked to her girlfriend's old home.

Honoka watched form the window. Kotori opened the door with wide eyes. Umi said something. And Kotori jumped into her girlfriend's frame and cried her heart out.

And seeing this happy reunion, she drove back to her place.

* * *

Honoka was getting ready to sleep when Claire walked into her bedroom, making her presence known by knocking on the door.

"I heard that you did good," Claire said.

Honoka smiled. "It's nothing, really."

Claire chuckled. "I don't know, making up with your best friend who hated you for so long seems more than nothing." She went over and patted Honoka on the head. "How are you feeling?"

Honoka's smile broke into happy tears. "Even if it's small amounts of forgiveness…I feel…so happy!" Honoka said in a sad, but positive tone.

Claire cracked a smile. "I'm glad you feel that way."

* * *

 **A/N: I've got nothing to hide. It's been 8 long months of no motivation to write. School has got me worried, video games got me occupied, and writing was just something that would be homework. Anime didn't really impact my life as much now when it did those months ago, and Love Live was no exception.**

 **I know that I still liked the Love Live series. It's just that I had no feeling when I wanted to write something. I have to admit that this may not be my best writing. The first line break is when I last wrote, and that was probably 8 months ago as well. I just finished this last few parts, and I feel like it could have been way better.**

 **For now, I just need to get back into the swing of things. Maybe when the Sunshine movie comes out, I will have some more time and/or motivation to write. I've had some ideas of stories, but they have not been materialized. Hell, I don't think I can remember the ideas that may have popped up.**

 **For now, this story will be considered complete. I've got all of the main plot points that I needed to address out of my system. Now, it's just on you guys. Maybe some of you were waiting for this for a while. Maybe some of you completely forgot that I existed. Either way, I want you to know that I thank everyone that reads this ending and for reading the entire story (if you have). If I get torn into in the comments for 'not uploading in forever' or 'having a shitty ending,' then fine. It's what you guys think. I don't think it is fair because to be blunt, you guys aren't me. You don't know how my feelings work, and I don't think it is right to be called horrible things because you guys didn't know about my feelings.**

 **For me, burnout was something that was always in the back of my mind. And I got burnt out after a while. I hope to get back into writing, because just writing this mediocre ending was fun. But I'm not promising anything. If I do decide to write, no one will know when I will post. Not even me.**

 **Personal feelings aside, please say something about this potential final chapter. If you liked it or hated it, say what you want. Just…don't be dicks and call me out for something that can affect someone. Everyone can face burnout; it's not fair to be super judgmental about it. Be critical of the writing, not of me.**

 **You can leave favourites and follows if you want, but otherwise…Thanks for Reading!**


End file.
